A way to think of me// book 1

| twenty two

AMBER POV

Here I am again, left in the dark while Luke is probably fucking someone else. Sure, I am jumping to conclusions because he hasn't been at school for a week but he hasn't called or texted me.

I really don't know any more. Maybe we could talked it out? I'll call him.

"Hey this is Luke, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you, or maybe not"

"Hey Luke, it's Amber, you know my number. Anyways I was hoping that we could talk this out sometime, please?" And I hung up. Im hating how he's just ignoring my calls. Im always the one at fault for every thing. I needed to talk to someone. Rose. So I dialled her number and called her.

"Hey Amber" she greeted. She's so kind.

"Hey Rose, I was hoping we could talk?"

"Yeah, what about?"

"My love life"

"Oh god, here we go. What's the problem?" She asked, seeming enthusiastic about the situation. Hint the sarcasm.

"Well I really like this guy and we had something, but then he isn't returning my calls"

"I have no idea Amber, try calling everyone he knows" She asked, sounding like shes getting kinda pissed.

"Yeah I should. Thank you" I say.

"And it's the weekend, plus school ends in three days, and it's Sunday, so just see him tomorrow Amber"

"But, I can't wait that long, I'll have to wait a day, don't you know how long that is?" I exclaim.

"No, no I don't Amber".

"But-" I was cut off.

"Rose! Whose on the phone to you?!" I heard her mum yell in the background.

"Listen Amber, I've got to go, I'll see you at school"

"Alright bye" and the line went dead. I fell back on my bed. I need to talk to him now. I called him again, but yet again, no answer. He was starting to piss me off, like a lot. But sooner or later I got a text from luke.

To: Stewy 🍲

'What's wrong?'

To: Hemmings 🐥

'I just want to call you and talk to you'.

I threw my phone in the pile of clothes that I couldn't be bothered to put away. My phone went off again, but I'm not talking to him unless he calls me, and that's not going to happen.

"Amber! Dad wants you!" My little brother, Jack, yelled from what I'm guessing, the other side of the door. So I walked downstairs to see my dad, and when I walked even further down, I saw Luke. And when I walked even further down, I saw Akiva.

The best day of my life.

Hint the sarcasm.

"Yes dad? And what what are they doing here?" I mutter.

"You told Luke the wrong story about Akiva didn't you? You didn't tell the right story"

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. But Akiva doesn't treat Luke right" I huff.

"Me and Luke aren't together. But we love each other and you are not getting in the way of this again" Akiva says, folding her arms.

"We should go Akiva" Luke mumbles.

"No, stay. I need you here for a moment" Ambers dad whispered, pulling his shirt back towards him.

"Dad, let them go. I hate them any- no wait! I didn't-"

"So your trying to get with me, and you just said you hated me? Your pathetic. Sorry" Luke apologises, letting a tear fall down my face.

"No no, it's fine. She needed that to realise what she has done" dad grunts.

Am I simply not good enough?

Am I simply not wanted?

Am I just simply not wanted here?

Yep, no one likes me. Even my own dad hates me.

"I didn't even know what the fuck I was doing..." I thought out loud. Everyone looked at me from eachother. Im guessing they were having their own conversation.

"What?" Dad said, still with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I-uh, nothing!" I spat. Luke still giving me a look and Akiva just standing their, looking at me. "Do you mind, Akiva?! Dad why is she even here?" I complain.

"I wanted her to be with me, so you don't attack me" Luke smirks, trying to hold in a laugh. He's such a loser. No wait! No he's not. I love him! Wait no I- He's not a- I give up. Yep, I give up on life.

"I just- I got to go... Somewhere" and I ran upstairs. I went to my room and slammed the door. I fiddled with the lock and it locked. Looking around everywhere, and I found it. Grabbing the tip, I swiped the thing across my arms and throw it away. I unlocked the door to go get my pills and a bottle of whiskey, but Luke was there at the door to stop me.

"And where do yo- Amber! What are you doing!?" He exclaimed.

"I-uh. Um-i was going to the bathroom" I halved lied. He was asking because of my arms.

"I mean, what were you doing in there?" He looked at me like a killer was about to act.

"Amber no" he drops to his knees and tried to wipe the blood away with a hankey.

You tell me why an 18 year old boy is carrying around a hankey.

I look at his lips and bite my own. I lean in but He just shook his head and and let go.

"I can't do this Amber. We aren't going to go out. And that's final" he says before running downstairs.

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This totally sucked. And yet again, don't archive, it's starting to piss me off how it's doing that

-Ella 😝