Do You Know Eva?

Do You Know Eva- Chapter Eight

Do You Know Eva?

 

-Chapter Eight-

-Running from the Past–

 

I sit at the edge of my bed, my blankets wrapped around my naked body. I feel so vile, dirty. This is not me, I know that. What am I doing? The person in my bed starts stirring in the cold. Jason awakes with a yawn and a stretch.

“You were Amazing!” he says through the yawn.

“I don’t feel that way.” I reply.

“Jessica never has to know about this Eva. It can be our… little secret. Besides, you too are only friends.”

“We are more than that.”

“What like girlfriends? Eva, she dropped you for me in a heartbeat just because you made a scene. You guys are nothing.”

“That’s not true. Look Jason, I would appreciate of you didn’t tell anyone about this.”

“What? That I did it with a lesbian? I’ll try…” he smirks.

“I’m serious. I’m trying to make things right with Jessica. I don’t need this mistake blowing up, okay?”

He sits up and leans over to me.

“This wasn’t a mistake. You and I both know that, it was amazing. We were amazing.”

“Trust me Jason, it was far form amazing. Look just get out. Get dressed and get out. Please, just go.”

“Fine I’ll go.”

He stands up, pulls up his jeans and throws on his t-shirt.

He walks over to the door.

“Goodbye kiss?”

“Goodbye Jason.”

He sighs and leaves the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My horrible, stupid thoughts! How could I have done this? Done this Jessica. This is exactly what I told her not to do. I stand up, the sheets still around me and walk into the en suite. Since my mother left I have taken over her room which includes en suite and secret stash of scotch.

I take a look at myself in the mirror. A long look, as if looking for something more. Maybe a soul? I drop the blankets. I am neither underweight nor over, but somewhere in the middle. I am not too worried about the size of my breasts, they seem fine to me but I guess I’ve never really looked at them before. Yet even though I seem fine in the mirror, I feel something is wrong and disgusting with my body. Is it my pale skin? The scars on my wrists? The years of punches taken from my mother? Whatever it is, I do not like this reflection. I pull on a reluctant top and pair of pajama bottoms and walk back into the bedroom.

I pick up my cell from the bedside locker and notice a little plastic bag. My mouth waters. Maybe one more taste won’t hurt. But its not the taste that hurts it’s what's behind it. If I take more of this drug I betraying everything I said to Jessica, I am just as bad as any other junkie.

But then again, I’ve all ready had half of it, no point in throwing it away. I dip my finger into the bag and take another dosage and it’s like all my problems have simply… vanished. But not for long.

I haven’t spoken to Jessica in a whole week, I have left her several messages but she hasn’t answered. That’s it isn’t it? We’re finished. I drop to the couch in the dirty sitting room just as the door bell rings. I quickly jump to my feet and scram to the door.