THAT HOLE IN HER HEART | KURAPIKA ❀

ix. just relax for me

NINE

A loud cry form the other room made me groan and roll over.

"Ill get her." Kurapika said, standing up from the bed. I listened as his footsteps wondered down the hall. After a couple minutes, the crying died down and eventually stopped.

I rolled over and looked at the clock, noticing that it was seven in the morning. I would have liked to sleep in, but I was thankful she woke up at this time instead of three in the morning.

Kurapika walked back in the room with a calmer Rowan in his arms. There were some dried tears on her face, but she was probably just crying because she wanted her breakfast.

Kurapika climbed into bed beside me, setting Rowan down on his chest. Rowan immediately cuddled herself closer to her father as she started snoring lightly. The food always made her super sleepy.

Kurapika smiled to himself as he gazed down at her. We brought her home a week ago, and we haven't been sleeping much because she's always crying.

Kurapika's insisted that he should take care of her when she cries at night because I need my rest after having a baby. I wanted to help so he could have days where he slept too, but he simply refused.

I was starting to get worried for him. He always placed my needs ahead of his own, and he should rest because he's going back to work in just a couple days.

"She woke up at a reasonable time today." He laughs quietly, brushing his fingers gently through her thin baby hair.

I hum in reply, rolling over to Kurapika's side and gazing at Rowan. I knew that she could hear her father's heart beating under her small body.

Kurapika wrapped his free arm around my body, pulling me closer into his other side.

"I can do more for you, Kurapika. This is a two person job, y'know?"

"You do help." He replied. "I just really need you to rest. It couldn't have been easy for you. I want you to get all that rest back."

I was honestly doing fine, and I'm sure that he knew that. There were absolutely no complications with her birth in either one of us, I think he's just so used to taking care of me from when I was pregnant.

"I'm going to go get a shower, Kura. I can make you something to eat when I get done."

"k." He replied, trying to keep still so the baby didn't wake up when he let go of me.

───♡𑁍ᖭི༏ᖫྀ𑁍♡───

"Im very glad that you were able to do that for your daughter." Janet started. "There's plenty of patients that I have that will not take that step. And they let their ego get in the way of them fixing things, but Im glad that you are able to overcome this. It's not going to change immediately, it'll take a while, but I think you're on the right track. You said the real thing you need to tackle is your issues with your anger?"

"Yeah, that's right." I said, crossing my arms.

"Okay, well, what do you find peace in?"

"Kurapika." I answered simply. "But he's not here anymore. I think that's causing a big problem because he made everything better for me."

"It is." Janet sighed. "And I'm very sorry about what happened. But, there's a very big thing to therapy, and that is learning to let go. I'm not telling you to forget about your husband, instead, just be glad that you have these memories with him and understand that you grew and learned from all of them. All these memories are here for a reason and they are the answer to you growing into a good mother for your child."

I nod slowly. I couldn't describe the terrible guilt I would feel to getting over Kurapika. He hasn't been here for six years, but Ive always glanced at the door everyday, holding onto this chance that he might walk through those doors again.

Janet must have sensed something wrong. "(Name), look at me please." I looked back up into her eyes. "I'm not saying you need to forget about Kurapika. Please never forget about him. He seems like a role model and based on everything you've told me about him, Ive honestly found myself looking up to him. Please don't take my words the wrong way."

"No, I know." I sigh. "I just hold on to this stupid, impossible chance that he'll come back home. But he's been gone for six years. There's absolutely no way this could happen."

"I know," Janet says quietly. "It's okay to want someone back. I just want you to understand that when they don't, you just need to move forward and focus on what you do have. And right now, that's your daughter. You need to focus on that and try to fix that relationship."

The session ended and I drove back home. I didn't sleep last night because I spent all my time rehearsing what happened between me and Rowan. I'm really glad and I really think I can change. I can be better.

I closed the door behind me, deciding that I should take a nap. Because maybe I deserve it. Everyone deserves something good. I placed my phone onto the bedside table and flipped over onto the bed. It only smelled like me. I remember  when Kurapika would sleep with me and the sheets would smell just like him, but it's not like that anymore. But maybe that's okay.

I heard a buzz from my phone over on the bedside table. I turned the phone over, squinting at the bright light. My eyes widened when I found that I had received a message from Kurapika.