Life Of A Socially Awkward Girl

Chapter 18

*~~*Recap*~~*

Finally my fiery throat could cooperate with my mind and quietly form his name on my tongue. "Logan?"

*~~*~~*

"Oh my god, Lucy," he said coming closer to me, reaching out to me.

"Don't you fucking dare come near me," I said quietly shaking my head. I swallowed before talking again. "Is-is this like a regular thing you've been doing?" I was shaking.

Ellie was quickly putting on her shirt, hiding behind Logan. He couldn't talk. He kept opening his mouth and closing it again, not being able to keep eye contact.

"You know what?" I shook my head, my voice breaking by now. "That's great. That's fucking great, because Blake and I have been fucking as well. And we've done it more than once. And you know what else? I didn't feel one bit guilty. Not once. Because it was great." Of course I lied but I felt the tears come up. I couldn't let them out.

I saw the tears in his eyes when I shook my head.

My voice a whisper, I managed to say one last thing. "And you're doing it right over fucking here?"

Before I burst out in tears I had to go. Logan kept calling after me but walked so fast and I was so confused that I could barely even comprehend what was happening. I heard him coming after me but I knew he didn't know which way I went.

I saw Blake. He was concentrated on the game. But then he noticed me. "Wow, Lucy, you're soaking wet, what happened?"

"You came here by car right?" I asked, able to hold the tears in for a bit longer.

"I mean, yeah, I guess," he replied, confused. "Why?"

I took his hand and dragged him out. I dragged him with me the long way out because I knew Logan was on the other side of the basketball court.

"Lucy, what's going on?"

I didn't answer. I just kept pulling his hand, one step at a time. One big and fast step at a time. I could sense that he was confused.

We were out on the parking lot and I stopped to scan over it. Finally I found it. Now my pace grew much faster towards his car, clutching his hand in mine.

When we got there I pushed him up against his car and kissed him roughly. He pulled back.

"Out here? Lucy, we can't-"

"I don't care."

I kissed him again, and this time he loosened up and kissed me back. He turned me over so now I was up against the car. When he kissed my neck, the tears came up.

"Fuck me," I whispered, shaking.

He stopped to look at me. "What? What about..."

"Fuck him," I barked quietly.

His mouth was half open and his eyes were so much more open than usually. Then suddenly his face softened. "Are you crying?"

"No," I sniffled, the tears running down my face, I opened the back seat door and dragged him in with me. I really didn't want him to be my rebound, it just felt so fucking good. "Just do it. Please," I whispered again and kissed him. I took his hand and put it on my breast.

"No," he mumbled into the kiss, taking his hand quickly off me. "Tell me what happened." He was on top of me. I was trying to pull him closer but he was resisting with his hands next to my face. "Tell me."

"No." I was full on crying now. The tears streamed down and I could barely come up with a word.

He helped me up and made me sit. He sat up besides me and held my head in his hands. "Tell me what he did."

"Nothing," I managed to say.

"Bullshit." He lifted my chin up and kissed my forehead. "Tell me." He kissed my lips again and then again.

"He's been having sex with-," He very quickly stopped and I could barely keep talking. "With Ellie."

He peered his eyes at me. "How do you know tha-" Then he realized. "Right here? They were doing it right over fucking here?"

I nodded my head cleaning some snot with the back of my hand.

He looked forward and breathed deeply before rushing out. His face became red and ears even redder.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," I kept saying as I followed him out. I was so scared.

I grabbed his hand and yelled at him to stop. He just shook his hand free and kept walking. I ran in front of him, holding his arms and walking backwards because he was so concentrated. "Stop!"

He didn't even look at me. I cried harder. "Blake please stop for god's sake." My voice really broke at the and and I fell down in a fetal position. The pain was too much to handle. I was bawling.

"Hey, hey," I heard Blake say soothingly into my ear as he embraced me. "I'll help you get into the car."

I nodded and agreed to his help. He put my arm over his shoulder like I was a wounded child. He told soothing words into my ear and tried to make me calm down. When we got into his car he kissed my forehead and then my cheek and wiped some of my tears away.

He kissed me again before he said, "wait here," and kissed me again. "I'll get you some water."

"Thanks," I told him before he rushed out and shut the door behind him. "Don't do anything stupid."

I had been waiting a while. I couldn't stop crying but tried to wipe the tears off my face and make my eyes less puffy and disgusting. But I figured he wouldn't really mind.

I grew even more worried than before because of how terribly late he was.

When I was just falling asleep I heard him open the front door of the car and getting in. He handed me a cup without saying a word.

"Thanks," I told him, but he didn't answer. Instead he just asked me where I wanted to go. I told him I wanted to go home.

He was awfully quiet. But it wasn't until I was halfway home that I noticed his knuckle.

"Blake?" I asked very carefully, still drowning in tears. He made a sound corresponding to a yes.

"Why is your hand bloody?" I asked sitting still with my mouth half open and my hand in between my thighs because I was so cold.

He didn't answer.

I grew so furious, I couldn't speak. "Blake you fucking didn't."

"He deserved it," he snapped. I dropped my empty cup and held my forehead in my hands. "That fucking, asshole trash," he continued.

Suddenly I felt it all come up. By 'it all' I meant everything.

"Stop the car," I said.

"What?"

"Just stop the car."

He pulled over to the side and I ran out to vomit. Blake ran out as well to help me out. He held my hair and my stomach, because we'd learned in health class to hold the vomiting person's stomach for comfort.

When I had stopped he went back to the car to get some tissues and some gum. He sat down with me on the grass and stroked my back.

"I'm sorry."

*~~*~~*

Heeeeyy,

So, I don't really know what to say... I mean I don't really know really what happened there. I started writing this chapter when I was going through a rough time, so I kinda got to write down my feelings. I had to change a lot of it because of really nasty shit, and some really horrible language. I mean it's pretty bad as it is so you can imagine...

I love you guys so much. I hope you have a great day/ night :).

Julia~