Life Of A Socially Awkward Girl

Chapter 19

I don't know. Thanksgiving was OK.

The food was good,

the parade was cool,

the football games were alright.

I just couldn't really get my mind off it. When people tried to talk to me, I didn't answer and I felt like I was being so rude to grandma who was just trying to be nice and talk to me.

A week ago, when 'the incident' happened, Blake drove me home and the morning after, I discovered I had the flu. I'd been at home for the whole week and just now I was feeling better. I hadn't talked to Logan at all. I had ignored all 13 phone calls and deleted all 9 voice messages he had left me. I answered the few times Blake called to ask about my well being but those talks were usually around one minute long.

I sat on my computer writing an essay I had to do for yesterday when I had a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said tiredly keeping my eyes glued to the screen.

My grandmother came in and asked to sit on the bed.

"Lucy I've noticed your behavior being kind of off," she said trying to get me to look at her. And I did. "I asked your mother but the only information she would give me was that it's about a boy."

I looked at her for a while, wondering if I should tell her.

"You know I just want you to be happy," she said softly smiling. "You can tell me anything."

"Yeah, well it's just that my boyfriend cheated on me about a week ago. I haven't talked to him at all since," I told her quietly, while my mind wandered off to think about what I could write next in my essay.

"Oh, Lucy dear. Let me just tell you that I have been down this road before and the only advice I can give you is that he's not worth it. Even though you have a guy that is way over your league. He is and never will be worth it. Trust me on this." She stopped talking for a while, while I swallowed down her advice. "Because once a cheater, always a cheater. You'll just have to be an adult on this."

"But grandma, the bad thing is that I kinda cheated on him as well. I kissed my best friend more than once."

She sighed before talking again. "Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"Blake. Do you love him?"

I thought for a while. I didn't want to answer but I knew I had to. Grandma always had the right thing to say. 

"Yes, I think I do." That was the first time I admitted to myself that I actually loved him. "But I'm scared, because I love Logan as well. But I hate him for cheating on me."

"You've had a week to think yourself over and you have a couple more days. I trust you to follow your gut on this and I know you'll do the right thing."

I smiled, looking down on my feet. "Thank you."

She smiled back at me and told me to come downstairs after I'd finish my essay.

After the door was closed I turned back to the computer and finished writing. But as I was writing a sorry email to my English teacher for being late, I noticed an email from the one and only who had tried every form of communication and at last decided to try this. I had my mouse ready to click the email away, to be deleted forever, but when I saw the subject header, Please read this, I changed my mind.

In it he wrote:

Dear Lucy,

I am not writing this to apologize, neither am I writing this to argue with you. I'm simply writing this because you asked for the truth, and I want to give it to you. I'm not saying I'm not heartbroken because of what you told me you did, I really am, and I do know what I did was wrong. I really, really hope what you told me isn't true but I guess I deserve it. I have called you thirteen times, and therefor left nine voice messages and I've even texted you to call and answer me six times. I know you have ignored each and every one of them. But to get to the point, yes, I was going to have sex with Ellie and yes, I had done it before. But only once (I guess I know that's once too much). I've been feeling like crap this entire week, barely talking to anyone. This thanksgiving I have only gone out of my room to have dinner, not even to watch the game. And I know that worries my mom and my sister because I'm usually one to cheer everyone up. The deal is, when my sister and I found out mom had to move every year for work, we made up a little game or a competition. My sister and I have always been so competitive. We were arguing over who could sleep with more people (I know, stupid). I was 15 and she was 16. I know I had a disadvantage because she's a girl (and don't even try to argue with that, you know it's true). She's been winning ever since, and this year she told me if I would get someone difficult... maybe someone... (I can't believe I'm saying this) maybe someone unattractive even, she would even out the competition. Don't get me wrong, I see it now. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. But at the time you seemed blushy and you sank down in your seat when I looked at you. Which I see now how perfect that makes you.
But I have lied to you more than only that. Oh, god I have lied. My dad didn't die. He isn't dead and I keep thinking how stupid I was trying to get you attention like that at the hospital. I thought it was the smartest thing then, but god was I wrong. He and my mom got divorced when I was like 12 and he lives in LA now with his girlfriend. I only visit him like for a week every summer. He isn't exactly father material. And right now you're the only one in school who knows that.
I didn't mean to make this so long, just please call me and we can talk this out. I know this is a lot to take in so take as much time as you need. I know it may seem odd to you that I told you all of this, but I messed up big time and I want a chance to start again. My mother told me that if you really love someone, you'll have to risk anything to make it last.
And I'm in love with you Lucy Silvetti. Hope you wont stay mad at me forever.

Logan

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Hey!! Thanks for reading! 

So that grandmother advice thing was true. If you ever get cheated on by someone, you should never trust them and get as far away a possible. I was in a similar position once and it really sucks. They don't deserve you if they can't be true to you.

I know that was kinda cheesy but it's true.

Love you guys <3

Julia~