𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑

VII. Nightmares

Chapter 7, Nightmares
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" I need help, I know I do. I'm going crazy. "

~ Natalie James's POV ~

"You weren't wanted!"

My mom screamed at me, she grabbed my luggage and started packing my clothes.
What was going on?!

"I was! You told me I was!"

I screamed back, tears spilled as I tried removing my clothes from the luggage.
My mom shoved me away from the luggage and continued to fill it up, I screaming and bawling my eyes out.

"You're going back there, I can't stand you!"

I fell onto my knees, I couldn't breathe, what was happening?
I felt my mom's hands grab my arms and try lifting me up.

"We're going now."

I was fighting back, I was trying to get her off of me.
Shaking violently, I needed a break, I want her to keep me!

"No! Keep me! Mommy, I'll be good!"

I never call my mom mommy but I want her to take pity and be kind towards me, I was home.

"No Natalie stop it!"

"No, don't take me back!"

"Natalie stop it now!"

Her grip was getting tighter, I don't think I could ever get away from her.

"Natalie stop it!"

I woke up screaming, I was drenched in sweat and the rain had died down to a drizzle, I looked over to see everyone by my side.
I couldn't catch my breath, tears streamed down my cheeks and fell on my pillow.

"Natalie it's okay, mommy's here."

Mom cooed as hugged me tightly, putting her head on my mine and rubbed my back, I listened to her heartbeat, trying to get my breath back to normal.
After a moment she moved away and kissed my forehead.

"NJ, do you want to be alone with your siblings?"

I looked at all of my siblings, nodding slowly.
Mom kissed my temple and rubbed my shoulder before walking out of my room.

"Out with it, NJ that was scary."

Dani said as she looked at me, she sat beside me and grabbed my hand.
I didn't know how I'm supposed to tell my siblings that I had a nightmare where I was sent back to the adoption center.

"I, I can't."

I choked out, causing Garrett to sit on the bed and placed his hand on my shoulder.
Ainsley looked uneasy, I didn't want to worry anyone but I mean nightmares are worrisome.

"I'm scared mom's going to take me back to the adoption center, that's the nightmare."

Garrett engulfed me into a warm soft hug, stroking my hair every so often.
I smiled and pulled away slowly from the hug, I was exhausted and looked terrible.

"I'll be okay, I promise. Go get some rest."

Garrett grabbed Ainsley's hand and they walked out, leaving me and Dani alone together.
She looked at me with a worried look, this is why I don't share my thoughts or nightmares or dreams even.
I hated worried looks from people, it made me feel like I was going crazy.

"I'll stay here and sleep with you, that way if you have a nightmare then I'll be right here to help you through it."

Dani says as she lies down beside me, I stood seated for a moment before I lied down beside her.
I looked at her one last time before closing my eyes and allowing myself to go back to sleep.

"Go away Natalie! You need to leave now!"

I shivered, it was raining but I wasn't wearing the clothes I was wearing now.
I was back, I was back at nine.

"Mom please! I'll, I'll do better next time!"

I shouted, the cold rain drops touched my bare shoulders as my dufflebag was tossed to the side.
I didn't have strength in my legs to stand so I crawled over to her, I tried grabbing her hands but she shoved me off.

"I don't have the money to support you anymore Natalie, me and your father agreed. Please go inside, you'll get sick!"

My world went crashing down, I didn't want to leave them but I didn't have a choice.
By the time I was able to stand up, she was in the taxi and left.

"Shhhh, wake up!"

I was exhausted and angry at myself for letting another nightmare get the best of me.
Dani looked really tired, she hugged me and stroked my hair.

"No, stop it! Dani something's seriously wrong with me!"

I pushed her off of me and got up, I ran to my bathroom and looked in the mirror.
My eyes were puffy and bloodshot red, my nose was stuffy and red as well.

Dani came running after me, she stood by my side and grabbed my hand.
I was hyperventilating, my breath was shaky.

"Dani look at me! I'm a mess."

I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes, she's seen me have a break down before but it never gotten worse over a nightmare.
I stared at the mirror ahead of me before I searched around the cabinet.

"What are you looking for?"

Dani looked at me and back at the cabinet before I grabbed my insomnia pills and anxiety pills.
I took both and drank some water, I bit my lip and took a deep shaky breath.

" I need help, I know I do. I'm going crazy. "

I sunk down to the ground and cried harder, I suffered from nightmares but I never had nightmares about my adoption process or how I was adopted.
It made me feel like it was my fault, they ran out of money over me and they couldn't help me.

"No you don't, listen to me, you're okay. Nat, you're going to be okay."

Dani reassured me as she sunk down to my level, holding onto me.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, she kept repeating the last part of the sentence to me.

"You're going to be okay."

It was the last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep, this time being able to stay a sleep for a while.