𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑

VIII. Swimming in Tears

Chapter 8, Swimming in Tears
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" not everyone has a precious mommy and daddy that can give them everything. "

~ Natalie James's POV ~

I feel embarrassed of the episode I had last night, it didn't feel good one bit and I scared Ainsley, I scared everyone but mostly Ainsley.
I woke up in the afternoon, I had sixteen missed calls, forty messages unread and twenty missed face times.
They all came from Jayla, I was way too nervous to look at it but I knew I had to open them or I'd find her banging on the door like a maniac.

Jay Jay ❤️

Good morning Nat?
Sent at 9:46 AM

Nat?
Sent at 10:06 AM

NJ, I called you, are you alright?
Sent at 10:29 AM

Your mom told me everything, answer.
Sent at 10:57 AM

Nat you're worrying me, answer!
Sent at 11:17 AM

I feel bad for scaring her, but I don't think I'm ready to message anyone.
I'm guessing she called the living room landline, I thought I needed alone but I think I need someone to talk to.

Knock-off Version of MJ

Come over please, we need to talk

Jay Jay ❤️

Already in my mom's car, I'll be there soon.
Read at 2:35 PM

"Mom, can we talk?"

I went downstairs, I was in a hoodie and shorts.
My eyes were red but no longer puffy, the nightmare had felt so real that I needed to talk to her.
But I'm scared that she's going to say what I didn't want to hear.

"What's up lovebug?"

She was sat on a love seat, I played with my sleeves.
I was trying to find the right words but everytime I open my mouth, nothing came out.

"Is it about your nightmare Nat?"

I nodded, she sighed and stood up.
She walked up to me, sitting beside me and rubbing my back.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, everything was coming fast, the screaming, crying and the rain.

I've been scared of the rain ever since that day, it sounds foolish and dumb but if you went through what I did, you'd be scared too.
Before I could say anything, the door bell rung followed by two knocks.

Mom stood up and cupped my face, kissing my temple and smiling.

"We'll speak about this later, go get some breakfast."

I nodded and stood up, I went to the kitchen and searched the cabinets.
I decided to make some bacon, waffles and some hot chocolate.

"Hey NJ."

I turned around and hugged Jayla, she rubbed my back.
I smiled weakly as I pulled away from the hug, grabbing her hand and leading her to the kitchen.

"Hungry? I can make you some breakfast."

I asked as I had already took out some extra bacon and waffle batter.
Jayla chuckled silently and nodded as she helped me cook her breakfast.

It was going well, she told me about how she had gotten into an argument with Jaden for using her charger and another argument with Javon for using her other charger.
I laughed a bit and flipped off the bacon, the talking died down into a comfortable silence.

"Nat, why didn't you call me when you had your nightmare?"

I turned to her and sighed, I didn't want to answer but I've avoided her enough that I would start feeling bad and I hated feeling bad.
She looked at me with worry, she took her waffles off of the waffle maker and onto the plate.

"I'd love to, but we don't know each other that well."

I knew it sounded harsh but it was true, we only knew each other for about a week going on two.
Jayla looked away, she took a deep breath and slowly nodded before looking back at me.

"That, that came out harsh I'm sorry."

I apologized quickly when I realized that it had hurt her feelings, my tone had been harsh and I don't even know why.

"You're right, but can you tell me about the nightmare you had that obviously took a toll on you?"

She took her bacon off of the stove and placed it on her plate, walking to the dining room where my cold breakfast stood.
I sat beside her and took a bite out of my cold bacon, but the savory taste made up for it.
She took a bite out of her waffle, I got up and came back with some hot chocolate.

"It was about my parents, I was so scared that I'm going to go back to the adoption center on another rainy day that my anxiety acts up and I can't sleep anymore."

I explained to her slowly so she can comprehend what I was telling her, she nodded slowly and took a sip out of her hot chocolate.

"Well that won't happen, your mom loves you."

Jayla reassured me, we took a bite out of our waffle and sat in silence for a moment.
She put her hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah so did my parents Jayla, you have your parents and they love you but they could afford you. Mine couldn't."

That came out way harsher than expected and I couldn't do anything to stop it, I was angry all of a sudden.z
My emotions completely changed and I have no idea why.

"I didn't mean it like that Natalie, I just meant that your mom can take care of you and she loves you a lot."

Jayla's tone went harsh as mine, it was understandable.
I wanted to kick myself in the face for letting my emotions get the best of me but I needed to get them out before I take a trip to the ER for blacking out and doing something I would regret.

"Jayla, not everyone's parents can take care of them. For all I know she's planning to get rid of me!"

I stood up and put my dish into the sink annoyed, I needed to get my emotions under control but I've never been more confused with myself until now.
Jayla followed me and grabbed my forearm turning me around to face her.

"She isn't Natalia! Listen to yourself, you're making up stories and scaring yourself. Your mom loves and wouldn't get rid of you!"

What was I supposed to say to that?
Yeah I was making these up but not willingly, it just happens and I can't help but get scared.

"You don't understand! I wish I had my parents again, I wish that I was still theirs and you don't seem to understand that!"

I was raising my voice, tears threatened to spill but I wouldn't let them, not now.
I wanted someone to understand what I was going through even if I have to scream it at the top of my lungs.

"Natalie you're having a lot of emotions right now, breathe and stay calm."

Jayla tried calming me down but it only made my mood worse, I wanted to just run to my room and cry.
She hugged me tightly and stroked my hair, I finally caved and began to cry into her shoulder.

"It's not fair Jay, I feel like it's my fault and then everything came back last night."

She rubbed my back and hummed in response, we slowly sunk to the ground with my head in the crook of her neck.

" Not everyone has a precious mommy and daddy that can give them everything. "

I whispered as my sobs died down, she continues to hum in response and stroke my hair.
I felt better, I finally opened up and let out all of the grief I've had inside.

"You're safe now NJ, you're not going anywhere."

I slowly fell asleep, happily.