im serious though- first quote: ✨perfection✨
~~~
Philza: What do we think of Tommy?
*pause*
Wilbur: *sighs* Nice pal.
Techno: I think he's gay.
~~~
Techno: *points at Philza* A human turtleneck, *points at Wilbur* a narcissistic monster, *points at Tommy* and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Tommy: And who am I? Describe me now.
~~~
Tommy: You guys worried about Wilbur?
Philza: Totally!
Techno: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Tommy: And what'd you say?
Techno: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Philza:
Tommy: He's lucky to have you as a brother.
~~~
Techno, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
Philza: *Sends a picture of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
Wilbur: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
Tommy: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
Techno: I hate all of you.
~~~
Philza: Dammit, Wilbur!
Wilbur: What?! It wasn't me!
Philza: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Techno!
Techno: Not me either.
Philza: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?
Tommy: *whistles*
~~~
*Tommy is cooking*
Wilbur: Any chance that's for me?
Tommy: It's for Philza. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side.
Techno: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
~~~
Tommy: *Gently taps table*
Wilbur: *Taps back*
Philza: What are they doing?
Techno: Morse code.
Tommy: *Aggressively taps table*
Wilbur: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
~~~
Philza: You know those things will kill you, right?
Wilbur, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.
Techno, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.
Tommy: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*
~~~
Philza: Wilbur isn't answering his phone
Techno: I'll call
Philza: Tommy and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Wilbur: Hello?
~~~
Philza: Self care is getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Wilbur: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Techno: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies' eyes!!! (blood for the blood god, man)
Tommy: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Philza: If you touch my birthday cake I'll make you eat your hands.
~~~
Philza: Tonight, one of you will betray us.
Wilbur: Is it me, Philza?
Philza: No, it's not you.
Techno: Is it me, Philza?
Philza: It's not you either.
Tommy: Is it me, Philza?
Philza:
Philza, mockingly: Is IT mE Philza?
~~~
Tommy: On a scale from "damn Daniel" to "fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?
Wilbur: In between "it's an avocado, thanks" and "how did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer I would say "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you, Techno?
Techno: Probably "road work ahead".
Philza: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.
~~~
Techno: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Philza: Plane tickets?
Wilbur: Concert tickets?
Tommy: Prostitution?
Techno, holding his broken frames: Glasses.
~~~
i may or may not have switched some names but that's beside the point- i may also have used mulitple things but ANYWAYS--
hope your day's been ok, and if not, i hope it gets better!
have some food, stay hydrated, sleep if you need to! love y'all <3 /p
YOU ARE READING
dsmp oneshots {requests open}
Fanfictiondsmp oneshots and stuff! there'll be a lot of fluff and a little angst, but no smut. i'd love requests; i needa know what people want- the artwork isnt mine main author: eli
