Against the Odds A Love Story

Chapter 16

Distraction is a mercy.

Sixteen

I relished the breeze blowing through my hair as I rode Ol' Red across the fields. The freedom I felt was like therapy, because as I rode, I was able to slowly dust the cobwebs of clutter and confusion from my heart and mind.

In the end I knew what I wanted, what I needed, and what I couldn't bear to live without. And as I approached the spot where Hayden had spent hours repairing the fence line, that knowledge came through with absolute clarity.

“Hayden.” I breathed his name into the breeze, wishing the wind could somehow carry my voice across the distance to him.

I closed my eyes as memories of the love we shared the last morning I was with him penetrated my heart, causing a tangible ache in me that brought immediate tears to my eyes. I again saw the love in his gray eyes as he looked at me. I felt the strength of his arms as he held me, could taste the warmth of his kisses when he pressed his mouth to mine. Even now I could almost feel the warmth of his lips against mine, the memory was so strong.

“He loves me, God,” I whispered emotionally to the heavens. “I know he does.” Heaving a deep sigh, I gazed toward the fence once more, knowing with absolute certainty that the desperate love I felt for him would never fade. I would love him forever.

“And I will wait for him,” I whispered fervently, my thoughts resolute. “There's still a chance, and I will wait.” It was all I could do. In my heart, I knew there was no other choice.

~ ~ ~

I spent the next afternoon riding Ol' Red as well. I got back just in time to help Caroline prepare dinner. She was already sitting at the table peeling potatoes to go with the pot roast that was cooking in the oven. I washed my hands, took another peeler from the drawer, and sat down to help her. She looked over and smiled.

“How was your ride?”

“It was good. I think I've really needed these rides.”

Caroline nodded. “A good swift ride works wonders when it comes to clearing your thoughts.”

“You're right about that,” I agreed with a smile.

We peeled potatoes for a while in silence, both of us seeming to be lost in our own thoughts. In the distance, I could hear calves bawling. Looking out the window, I saw one of the hands hauling in a load of alfalfa for the horses.

I sighed. Life was still going on, despite the changes going on in our lives. In my life. In Hayden's. Life was still going on without him. I was going on without him. I had no choice.

I'd always considered myself a pretty strong person and was usually up to any challenge. I had always faced life head on and tried to put blinders aside. But as I sat at Caroline's table peeling potatoes, I felt completely vulnerable. Despite a failed marriage in the past, I had come through it all relatively okay. I had struggled against the voices that whispered daily at that time, telling me that I wasn't worthy of having happiness with anyone. Whispers that I wasn't good enough.

And now here I sat, peeling potatoes and waiting for the return of a man who held my happiness in the palm of his hand. Yes, I was more vulnerable than I had ever been in my life. But I was also filled with perseverance, drive, and enough love in my heart to see this through. Come what may, I would see it through.

Caroline's voice softly interrupted my pondering.

“Hayden called today.”

I looked up abruptly, my heart leaping at the sound of his name. “How is he?” I managed to ask, wishing I had been there.

“He's all right,” was all she said.

I kept looking at her expectantly, every part of me yearning to ask if he said when he was coming home.

“He didn't really say much else,” she added, evidently reading my thoughts in my expression.

I lowered my eyes and continued peeling, my heart beginning to ache all over again. You would think that missing him would now be a part of me, fitting me like a comfortable pair of worn shoes. But each new day, each little thing, freshened the pain.

I was struggling to blink back the tears when Caroline softly said, “He did ask me one thing though,” and my head again shot up.

She smiled. “He asked if you were still here.” When I put the peeler down and failed miserably to choke back the sob that escaped, she said, “I think he expected you to be gone by now.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

“He still loves you, Raine. In fact, I think he probably loves you more now than he did before he left, and I know he's probably hurting just like you are. You just hold on a little longer. It won't be too much longer now. He'll come around.”

I smiled as tears streamed down my face and my heart was again infused with renewed hope. “I pretty much live off your faith, you know.”

She chuckled and smiled. “I know, honey. I know.”