Against the Odds A Love Story

Chapter 8

Words are faulty, unless it's the heart that is doing the talking.

Eight

Walking toward the horse stable, I blinked back the tears stinging my eyes. I kept asking myself how I could let my emotions get away from me this way. How had this happened? I thought I was being strong. I had fought so hard against these feelings because I hadn't wanted them, but they had persisted, tying my insides up in knots. And truthfully, I was beyond fighting them now.

I walked into the stable and found Tom pitching some fresh straw into one of the stalls.

“Need any help?” I asked, keeping my voice level and emotion-free.

He looked up at me with surprised eyes and smiled. “No, I think I got it covered.”

I fell quiet for a minute, not really knowing what to do with myself. I wasn't about to go back into the house. Not if I could help it. “Are you sure?” I finally asked again.

Tom looked at me again and I saw a trace of sympathy in his eyes.

“Tell you what. Why don't you do these last few stalls for me while I go and help David with some things.”

I smiled, relieved. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He handed me the pitchfork and left.

Left alone with my thoughts, I stabbed at the bale, loosening more straw, and tossed it into the stall Tom had been working on. I figured tossing straw in was a lot better than having to muck the stalls out. I continued to work, doing my best to keep my thoughts away from Caroline's kitchen where Hayden was, with Debra, the 'Blond cowgirl.' I tried, but I couldn't keep myself from agonizing over who the woman was to Hayden.

It was obvious from the way Debra looked at Hayden that there had been something between them. At least it seemed that way. And what about Hayden's reaction to seeing her? He hadn't even thought to introduce us. Caroline finally had to do it. It was almost as if I wasn't there, like I had suddenly turned invisible or something.

I heaved a frustrated sigh. I knew I had no right to be upset with Hayden. No reason at all. He had been a good friend to me and he was free to spend time with whoever he wanted to. There was nothing between us, and though I had feelings for him, I doubted that he felt anything other than friendship for me. That thought, most of all hurt deeply.

I sighed again. He was an incredible man, too beautiful and too perfect for words. And I knew I would never be more to him than I already was. I would just have to be all right with that. Maybe this was to be my lot in life. Maybe all I would ever be to any man worth having was a friend. If that was all I could ever be to Hayden, then I would have to deal with it. This is what I told myself, but it did nothing to quell the ache I carried inside.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't even hear Hayden approach.

“You keep forking that straw in there like that, there ain't gonna be room for the horse.” He smiled and popped a strawberry into his mouth. I figured he must have taken it from the container we bought for Caroline. His shirt was now unbuttoned and hanging open, exposing the hard muscles of his tanned chest and torso.

I looked at the stall and paused in my work, chagrined as I realized I had practically pitched two whole bales of straw into the one stall. I chuckled. “I'll bet Tom will never let me do this again.” I felt myself sober a bit, but I quickly smiled again and turned away, not wanting him to see the pain in my eyes. Nor did I want him to see how just being near him now affected me. I was beginning to think about things I hadn't fully allowed myself to. Things like how it would feel to have his massive arms around me, the smell and feel of his skin, and the sensation and taste of his kiss. I had never had these kinds of thoughts before, not even about Jerome. And I had married him!