Story Of My Life (In A Relationship With EXO Lay ✅)

19 | I'm Scared Of You And Your Affection

Yixing was a liar.

A convincing one at that. I had almost believed him when he told me that he won't see me until I broke it off with my fiance. Jokes on me, he showed up at my door the moment I moved out of my house and rented an apartment in Shanghai. If I didn't know how much he was hurting inside, I would have kicked him out the second I saw him. Luhan and Tao had left the group.

"You." I opened the door, ready to shut it on his face.

"My members... Exo members asked me if I'm going to leave them too." His throat wobbled, and I took a pity on him, and again let him inside my place and my life. He cried in my arms and repeated again and again that he had no plans of leaving his brothers and it was hurting him as well to see them in pain.

We had sex. Plenty of it whenever he visited China. In between the takes, I had my fun with the family business and the bitch Sana. The woman was a dumb psycho. I would give her that. She actually believed that I was some evil witch out to hunt her down for dating Minseok aka Exo Xiumin. Her melt down did entertain me though.

But, of course, God had to ruin the fun. I was going to torment Sana more by meeting her frequently, but she had to meet me during my night out with Yixing. We were going to grab a take out for dinner from our favorite restaurant when we came across her.

"Yixing," She whispered as soon as she turned around and saw us. Her eyes moved from him to me. "Is she your... Wait. Is Xiumin here too?" The panic in her eyes was real. I actually had forgotten about her break up with her man. Poor her. Nope. Poor Minseok.

"No. It's only me. Relax." Yixing hugged her to him, and then glanced at me. "This is Fei. My... friend." with benifits. I wanted to add, but didn't.

"Oh Hi." Sana shook hands with me with a small smile before she frowned. The seconds ticked by as she scanned my face again and the realisation settled in her features.

I grinned. "Hello Xiumin's girl."

"You bitch!" She hissed, ready to jump on me, but stopped herself when more customers walked in. My smile widened as I waved at her. She complained about the incident to Yixing though, and he was very pissed when we returned to the apartment.

"I expected better than that." He grumbled. "You seem to enjoy people's misery. Don't you? For the fuck's sake, Fei. Get yourself together. You don't play with someone's mind like that. Sana must've been so fucking scared. Are you even human? Show at least sympathy, empathy, whatever the fuck it is inside of you!"

"I'm hurt, Yixing." I pouted, and fell back on the couch. "How come you are always asking me to behave in a certain way? This is me. If you don't like it, I'll show you the door myself."

"I want people around me to like you too!" Yixing and I avoided talking for this sole reason. We didn't know how to do it without one of us getting frustrated to the point of killing other. "I like you. I want my friends to like you too, Fei. I want them to trust you, to be at ease around you-"

"News flash! I'm here for you to fuck me good, not to be a bimbo in front of your friends." I stood up, ready to go to my room when he held my hand. "Do you have more insults to throw at me? Make it quick. I'm tired."

"I like you the way you are, but not everyone has got a time to understand someone as you who hide herself so well from the world." Yixing sighed, cupping my cheeks. His forehead rested on mine. "I want you to be loved, make friends, but it would require you to share your life with them-"

"I don't even share my life with you. Let alone your friends." I shrugged off his hands. "Can we sleep now?"

We went to bed, and I initiated the act first and kissed him. He touched my hand, and promised to make it up for the past few months. I was gone then. I would like to tell myself that we weren't stuck in this toxic cycle of oblivious. We avoided my engagement subject like a plague. He didn't mention it, neither did I. It was like if we didn't talk about it, it didn't exist.

"So you're his friend and already knew about my relationship." Sana sat across me, cross legged. "You really are something to play me like that."

"I'll take it as a compliment." I winked. I and Sana didn't hit it off at once. We met frequently and then she moved back to South Korea. I also met her other friend Eun Sang when I went to Seoul for a brief time to check up on Sunhee regarding the restaurant business. She was a trainee now, and was only available at night, so I had to wait until she was free enough to meet me.

The guest appearance came from Chanyeol's girl herself. I had invited Sana to kill some time until Sunhee was free from her waitress shift, when we saw some drunk men approaching Iseul. At first I wasn't sure if it really was Fab4 Iseul because why would she be at Aroma, but then I remembered Chanyeol, and his stupid crush on her. Even if it wasn't her, I still would have kicked the men's asses, and I did. With Sana of course. She was a wild one. I like that.

Alanna was a different human when I saw her again during my visit. "I'm so happy we got to talk like this." She squeezed me in a tight hug. "I missed you." Her smile was genuine and I smiled back, holding her hand, and listening to her voice in a long time. I had missed my friend truly.

Even though she seemed only a shell of the person I knew, I wanted to be there for her to love her unconditionally. I tried to talk rarely so that she would have a freedom to talk more about herself. She was a genius at avoiding the serious conversation though. Like how she was the most hated idol at the moment, and how Alanna was struggling to keep the Hyun Jae in herself alive. I didn't pressure her, and took what she was willing to give me.

"I'm concerned about her. Alanna, I mean." I talked to Suho one day over phone and he turned silent. "Did you guys fight?"

"No." His reply was short. "She doesn't share her burden with me just like I don't share mine with her."

"So... You're not going to ask her-"

"Ummm... The manager just came. Practices are going to start. I'll talk to you later." With that he hung up.

Yixing told me that things were getting ugly between Suho and Alanna. Nobody knew why. There was a time she adored the man too much for her own good, and now even his name brought a sheer anger out of her. She refused to talk to him, about him.

"Oppa, did you propose Fei?" I heard Iseul ask Yixing the night we celebrated her birthday with others. I wore my ring that night to give him some reality check. He didn't react though. As I said, if we didn't talk about it, it didn't exist.

"Why would you ask that?" Yixing chuckled. "She's not engaged. She likes wearing rings. She's not engaged." He repeated. Iseul couldn't see it but I could. The pain he hid behind the smile of nonchalance.

"Am I hurting you unintentionally?" I asked him after we reached the room I was staying in. "We have not talked about-"

Yixing hugged me. "Don't. Please."

There was a begging in his voice. Almost as if thinking about it made him miserable. It felt like I was a villain. I was hurting him knowing very well that I won't take a stand for him in the future. It was unfair. To him. To us. I knew I needed to let go off him. To separate our twisted fates.

The question was 'how'?