Dark Desire

Chapter 32

Rose's POV

No! I refrained myself from thinking about that disastrous possibility. Taking a handful of hair in my fist I started to pace in my room. My breaths felt extremely short. As if somebody was choking my throat, as if my lungs didn't want to work at this very moment.

Sweat trickled down my spine and forehead as no thoughts gathered in my brain. Why did I always become this mentally paralyzed when it was about Eran's safety?

I ran back to my room and swayed all the way to my locker. My head felt severely lightheaded as food threatened to make an entrance in my mouth.

My eyes were foggy and I didn't know what was I even seeing in front of me. Tears clouded my vision and I blinked my eyes multiple times and set the caged tears free.

I started to sift through my clothes and this is the first time I regretted having this many clothes in front of my locker. I never thought I would need to come to this day, but I did.

There's a first to everything, but I just didn't want to have a first regarding this thing. I wanted a first kiss with Eran. I wanted to be the reason for when he breaks his first smile after he had a long day. I wanted a first regarding anything associated with Eran, nut I just didn't want a first regarding this thing.

They wanted to take him away from me. But this is way too soon, way too soon. I hadn't even gotten the chance to say my words to him, how much he means to me, and how much he makes me want to erase the past I have and make myself a better person. Just for him, just for his smile, just to be with him.

I knew they were keeping an eye on me, but what I didn't know was that they were about to take their first steps and execute their plans this fast, after literally threatening me for once.

This was all going on too soon, and Eran had no fault in it. It was my crime, it was my decision, it was my deadly revenge, it was my past. He was completely innocent. The only fault he made was that he was in contacts with me, that we were talking, that maybe he has feelings for me.

I have always been the problem, regarding and behind everything but this time I, for once, wanted to the solution to something. Maybe the solution to his problems, maybe the solutions of his grief, the solution regarding anythings positive.

But maybe that was never a possibility because this exactly was what I deserved. Never ending sufferings for the things I did, never ending griefs hovering like dark clouds over my already chaotic life.

Please be okay, please be okay, I muttered under my breath.

After throwing down all the cloths on the floor my gaze fell on the locker which stared back at me as if it was smiling at me. As if it knew that someday I was going to stumble towards it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My thoughts felt like a chaotic jumble of fear and confusion and frantic gasps came out whenever my mouth tried to form a word. My eyes still felt foggy and my throat felt all stiff and tight anticipating some unexpected terror of the whole situation which was yet to unfold.

I stopped every motion of my body and held the locker with both of my arms and let my head fall in within. Out of frustration I could feel the nerves of the back of my head popping. It felt as if, a second shall pass and off will pop my veins, bursting blood everywhere.

I shook my head vigorously and put a stop on each and every single appalling thoughts which crowded my head.

I needed to act, I don't know how, but I needed to act as fast as possible. I gripped the edge of the locker and typed in the password. A password I had set for myself but insisted and begged my brain to forget about it because I didn't want to use it ever again. But now, with the cruel winds of fate, blew in such a situation which is wracking each and every single nerve of my entire body.

I fumbled with the lock as my fingers shook uncontrollably.

 "Come on, come on" I muttered through my gritted teeth. My heart continued to thump in my chest, each beat echoing like some drum in my ears.

I wanted to drown down the sound, but could I do that?

Tick

The locker ticked open and I yanked the thick door frames of it. It revealed its evil facade with a tiny screech and my eyes let down another set of wild tears to caress down my cheeks.

There stared back at me was my sleek handgun.