Dark Desire

Chapter 20

Rose's POV
After our beautiful ice cream outing he dropped me home, and not to forget to mention. He got my car door as soon as I stepped out of the car. This is such a simple act but always ends up doing lengths for my heart. I start getting the feeling as if my life is some fiction where he has the role of the main lead or the hero of it. I totally forgot all of the things which happened. I shared everything that happened between me and Daisy today. 

I noticed how his expressions changed and were gradually morphing into disgust. I felt guilty for turning him against his friend, but today I discovered how they weren't even close friends. According to him, he never really liked her, and how Ricky and Jessica tried to hook them together against his will. Turns out Daisy did tell me everything honestly but blowing it out of proportion, which by the way, is very much weird and suspicious. 

I however didn't think that this argument with her will take this big of a toll on my mind. As I told him all about Daisy, I couldn't help but notice how frequently moisture gathered in my eyes. But also how he looked away every time my eyes got all watery, as if the sight hurt him. And him looking away warmed my heart. Talking with him felt like as if it's going to solve everything, be it about my mental chaos or my physical insecurities. I never even realized how the time flew as we spoke, as I bared my heart and my grief in front of him. 

Guess the phrase about how time passes quickly when you are enjoying is quite right

There are times I wonder to myself, as in like what are we? Are we best friends? Are we in a relationship? Like what on earth is even going on? Should I propose him?  Or should I let things continue the way it has been since these weeks? 

Exhaustion weighed heavy on my shoulders as I stepped into my room. The scent of vanilla invaded my senses, the bath shower gel which I used in my shower. I smiled to myself after watching my reflection on the mirror. I was miserable when I had stepped out of my shower and now I just had the time of my life and returned feeling wonderful. 

The second I entered my room, a familiar feeling of fear, crawled up my spine leaving a spiral of chill in it's wake. With slower movements than a turtle I slowly closed the door as the clicking sound of shutting echoed like a barbaric bullet seething through the silence. The previous remnants of the scent of vanilla seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Someone has been here. A faint musty smell of sweat replaced the scent of my room as if my room has been robbed off its glory. A trace of unease settled stubborn in my stomach, as hair around my shoulder stood up, proving slight percentages of my intuition right. I gulped as my eyes started to scan over my familiar stuffs to spot anything unfamiliar. I glanced towards my vanity area. The surface was chaotically cluttered with makeup items scattered everywhere. Lipstick tubes few lying dead, and few standing with pride. Eye shadow palettes left half opened and makeup brushes sleeping like fallen soldiers.

Then, there was the intruder. Sitting right over the counter top, clean and with pride, dominating my table. I drew in a large breath and slowly sauntered towards it. In my deepest bones I kind of already guessed what it might be, yet I wasn't able to talk my heart into it. Before seeking permission from me, my hand slowly reached towards the intricate box which looked like a shade of maroon because of the sunset lamp's touch falling over it which I got last week. 

The tip of my fingers slowly caressed the box which felt cold and smooth, my heart racing, a sense of dread coursing through my bloodstream. My hands began to tremble slightly as I slowly tried to open the lid of the box, screams of my poisonous past whispering in my ears. Before even opening the lid I quickly shut it as a loud sound of shutting a box echoed throughout the silent closed room. 

A tear escaped my eyes as a faint light obstructed my blurry vision. I quickly looked back and watched my phone lighting up in the dark on my nightstand with Eran's caller ID. Another sob broke free from me as his name for at that moment felt like a means of rescue to me. In midst of having the warmth of his golden company, laughing like a maniac to his broken humour, I forgot how too hot the eye of heaven shines. This can't be reality. This is a fantasy.

My attention spiraled back to the boisterous box sitting on the table beside my makeup brushes. I cleared my throat and with shaky hands took the box in my hand. It wasn't that heavy but of course did contain something in it. Something, enough to snatch away the little moment of happiness I just experienced. Creaking ever so softly yet with a loud screeching sound the lid swung open, and in that moment, it was over for me. 

Nestled safely in a velvet napkin sat a severed finger, lifeless and frozen, just like how my heart just turned. Before I thought that my room couldnt get any more void of sound, it did. All I could hear was the loud thudding of my heart, hammering against my chest threatening to come out of my ribcage. The sweet ice cream warned to make a sour appearance in my mouth as I knelt over and emptied my stomach, until I coughed and dry heaves came out. 

Wiping my mouth my eyes went back to where it just got tainted. The severed finger still resided right there, in that box. The slow tipping sound of a liquid drops falling over the floor drew my attention towards the stained tiles of my room. A string of fresh blood poured out of that torturous box as the trail started to scatter everywhere. 

With a swift movement, I don't even know where I got my instincts to work out just like that, and that fast, I grabbed a handful of tissue papers and dropped it on the pooling blood on my floor and stood up on my knees and rushed to my bathroom. Grabbing a bucket and a mop, I struggled to push it through the room and swiftly cleaned the mess my stomach made. I could feel my head vibrating with every step I took, my blood pulsated through every holes of my vulnerable body. 

Sweat trickled down my forehead as I quickly brought the situation under my control. Now comes the part of getting rid of the piece of my heinous deed. 

Just get rid of it, the way you got rid of him. No one would know. Momma will be happy. Papa will be proud

 I grabbed the box and ran to my kitchen. Mistakes couldn't be made right now. Veronica wasn't here tonight and I had the house to myself. Taking a deep breath for one thousandth time now, I quickly opened a kitchen cabinet and retrieved garbage bags. With caution, I placed the box in there and sealed it tight. My throat constricted once again as food threatened to come in my mouth once more. I drew in another breath and gulped it down.

With my frantic footsteps echoing throughout my apartment I scrubbed the floor once again, wiping any possible traces of blood. With one final glance towards my place, I slipped out of my house. 

Without any further ado, I rushed and grabbed Rachael's car keys and ran downstairs. Getting in, I drove what felt like an eternity until I came across to a dense forest. My mind was still frozen to what it really had to endure in that room of mine, and I didn't dare disturb it. I didn't need any existential crisis to hold me up now. I had to work swiftly and smartly. 

After glancing here and there, and making sure like one hundred times that there were no cars around, I stepped down from my car as if I was some thief slipping away like a shadow. Leaving my shoes back in the car, I walked in the woods with a flashlight as the moon glistened over the drenched leaves because of the rain. I didn't even realise that it was drizzling. 

After walking for a good fifteen minutes into the woods, I spotted a secluded place. Secluded enough from the city life and eyes. Placing the flashlight on the muddy leaves, I started to dig a hole in the earth. Sighing heavy breaths, which didn't seem to lighten my chest at all, I stopped digging until I was convinced that it was enough. I safely, placed the atrocious result of my actions in there and buried it, like I buried my past, which clearly someone decided to dug it up. 

I got in the car and clenched my fingers around the steering wheel. My nails bearing the remnants of the soft earth, and my velvet dress stained from witnessing the thing I just did now. The velvet dress gifted by Eran. Yes the evidence was gone for good, fully removed from it's existence, but did the scars of my past fade away? No, it didn't. They say time heals all, then why can't the wails of my heart quiet down? Why can't it leave me alone? Why?

 I leaned my forehead on the steering wheel as I started to face difficulties in breathing. Clutching my chest hard, my car heard the screams of my soul as the life outside my little bubble of devastation, remained as it was.

 Unaware. Unhinged.