Dark Desire

Chapter: 06

I glanced at the very pervish text he just sent to me as the feeling of utter loath over an enthusiasm gone bad, feeling descended on me. Despite this, my mind and instincts still screamed 'safe'. My gut is always right. I don't think he's bad guy and a pervert. Maybe I'm being way too judgemental but still there was a small part of me which yelled at me saying, "What if he breaks your heart?"

Now

He just broke my heart into many tiny little pieces. It feels as if those pieces are like shards of broken glass plunging through my heart. There is no doubt about the fact that he loves me more than anyone he knows but his anger is something he isn't able to deal with. As the love of his life it is my responsibility to love him at his darkest and lowest but lately things have become unendurable.

I dropped myself on the wooden bench which is covered in the shiny blanket of the white snow. It is freezing out here and all I should do now is ponder about where to go somewhere warm. It is oddly relaxing when I think about him being warm at his heated house, at least he wouldn't be cold tonight. He tends to catch a cold real fast and I hate watching him get sick.

Little flecks of shimmering ice were descending slowly from the grey sky above. The other benches of the now white park looked white as the snow rested upon them like a cushion. I miss his warm hands around me, and as soon as the thought came in my mind my lips started to form a smile.

"I set you free. Never show me your face again"

From the very first day of our relationship we were very accustomed to bickering but those bickers were also filled with a hidden message screaming words of love and affection. No matter what would happen, we would always find each other at the end of the day. Utter apologetic words, pour each other wine and dance in the kitchen as he will cook. 

He would come home after work and I will make sure to give him the night of his life and the next morning I will get the famous 'breakfast in bed'. No matter how hard we fought, the respect for one another was something we have always maintained for each other. But since the last year, ever since that matter, we have changed. We have changed drastically. 

After that matter..

We no longer think about each other's feelings, all we know while fighting is how else can we hurt each other at the worst ways possible. My phone began to ring as I quickly looked towards it with the hope of finding his name on my screen. It was my sister. Of course it isn't Eran. Nowadays whenever we fight, we tend to enter each other's minds after two to three weeks. 

My teeth chattered as I picked up the call. "Hey" I said as I saw the warm white smoke from my cold mouth, filling the small space in front of me. "Rose? What's wrong? You are literally shivering" replied Veronica sounding tensed. "Oh no, the heater of our house isn't working and I just took a shower" I said giving a faint laughter. 

"Oh, never mind! God, is this even a time to shower? What are you doing now though? Where is Eran?" The name sent shivers through my spine as the butterflies occurred in my belly, my heart beats accelerating. Strange how, even after being literally kicked out of his house at the middle of a snowy night, his name is still setting off sparks throughout my body.

Tears gathered in my swollen red eyes as I choked back a sob as I tightly closed my mouth with my cold hands. I slowly drew in a slow breath to regain my composure. "He had such a long day today, he went to sleep already" I answered. "Whatever is going on Rose, things will be okay. I want you to hold on to that little hope" said Veronica as my eyes squeezed shut as the tears came rushing down, melting my frozen cheeks.

I nodded as if she could see it. I knew, no matter how hard I tried to conceal my melancholy, Veronica would never buy it. I disconnected the call and turned my mobile phone off and stared at the distance. I cannot do these right now, I just can't. I cannot fight her defending you. I cannot tell her anymore that its just that you had a bad day at work and that's why we had a fight.

Whenever battles arose at work, at my own home, in my own head you were there to tell me how brave and courageous I am. You were here with me. 

Now, when you are not here, who am I supposed to turn to for support?

Then

I sighed and scratched my neck violently as I felt the feeling of agitation creep through my veins. "What now?" I said looking at Veronica as if it was her fault that Mr. Instagram turned out to be a pervert. She shrugged her shoulders as if she really was guilty for absolutely no reason. Quickly, I took a screenshot to show it to Jessica. For some reason, I do not know why, I was dying to hear some assurance from anyone telling me that Eran is a good guy, and not a guy his action just portrayed. 

Rose: "There you go" 

Jessica: "I just saw the screenshot you showed, believe me Rose!! He is not like that! It's not what it looks like"
Rose: "Yeah, I can clearly see that"
Jessica: "Oh God Rose, just give it a try come on! He's my friend, I know him better! He's a really great guy"

 I really did want to talk, because I have never felt this attracted to a stranger before. But, I was afraid. Afraid of making the same mistake. Afraid of trusting someone, giving more than anything to him. I just can't put myself through that horrible phase of my life which I once did. It's like the moments spent with a certain someone are engraved in my mind now. They all come alive in my darkest dreams.

Also the fact that, I'm no normal girl who deserves to be in love, who deserves to feel loved even for once. The sin I committed in my past will forever have its paws imprinted in my life. No mater how much I tried to run away from it, I will never be able to erase those screams, his tears and my regretion, in my dreams. 

Jessica: "You there?"

 A text buzzed in my phone.

"Just because you had a bad experience in your past, doesn't mean that you are going to restrict yourself from doing anything. You gotta stop living like this" said Veronica, reading my mind as I soaked my tears with the sleeve of my dress. I nodded to her and picked up my phone, ready for giving another chance to my life.

Rose: "I'll do it."
Jessica: "Thank you so much, I'm sure you will like him. Just take your time and don't rush, there's no pressure"

Eran's POV
"Why? What's wrong?" I asked Jessica who was going all on me, just because I sent a 'hi babes' to Rose. I mean, it's cool, what's wrong with that. I feel as girls remember their first encounters with guys and I really want to make quite an impression. Moreover, I didn't want to be one of those lame guys who texts a 'Hi' to a girl they are approaching for the first time.

Being straightforward is my thing, not a cringe lover boy who is so shy to even talk to a girl he has a crush on. I mean, it's social media, I don't have to face her. But that certainly doesn't imply that I'm scared to face her. It's just simply an intention to make our first encounter a memorable one, and not like the regular stories. Like, imagine we got together in the future. She is going to remember how I approached to her, her entire life.

Okay yeah, my way was a bit twisted and fucked up.

Eran: "Yeah yeah, I know I messed up. Don't expect me to apologize now"
Jessica: "Yeah okay! But don't try do anything 'cool' afterwards, according to your dictionary. She's different. She will get offended.
Eran: "yeah, fine"

I said huffing. 

To be continued