Dark Desire

Chapter 39

I pushed him slightly with my arm as he understood my gesture. I brought my eyes over his only to be met with his expressions painted with grief out of the rejection he just encountered. My heart ached at the sight but I just couldn't help it. I had to. It was being all too much for me to handle today. 

He started to walk backwards as his hands left their traces over my arms. His faint scent started to vanish as he walked more and more away from me, but his eyes never leaving mine. A tear crawled down my face as my chest constricted to the sight of him walking away from me.

I wish I could do something to alter any of the hurtful emotions he might be feeling right now, any of the nonsensical frustrations which might be filling his heart and reigning his mind right now. I wish I could, but all i can do right now, is just wish.

After walking backwards for a while, his eyes left my face and he walked back into his house, and i immediately pulled the handle of my door and sat in my car. I gripped the steering wheel tight as I leaned my forehead against it, and let some more tears escape. 

The familiar scent of the car, the softness of the seat beneath me, should have been comforting, but it only served to remind me of the frantic drive I had made just moments before.

I sat there for a moment, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. My breath was coming in short, ragged gasps, and I could feel the tears building up again, but I refused to let them fall. I was done crying—at least for now. I needed to think, to figure out what had just happened, and what I was going to do next.

I started the car, the engine roaring to life, and for a moment, I just sat there, letting the sound fill the silence. My mind was a mess of conflicting emotions—relief that Eran was okay, anger at him for scaring me, fear that I was losing control of myself, and something else, something darker, that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I pulled out of the parking spot, my movements mechanical, almost robotic, as I navigated the empty streets. The city lights blurred in the distance, and I focused on the road ahead, trying to block out the thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm me.

But as I drove, the events of the evening kept replaying in my mind, over and over, like some twisted movie on an endless loop. Eran's scream, the fear that had gripped me, the frantic drive to his place, the way he had held me, and the way I had pushed him away. It all kept coming back, refusing to let me escape.

My grip on the steering wheel tightened as I felt the anger rising again, hot and intense, burning through the fear and confusion. I was angry at Eran, angry at myself, angry at everything. He didn't understand what he had done to me, how much he had hurt me by not taking my fear seriously. And I hated him for it—hated that he could be so oblivious, so blind to what I was feeling.

I drove faster, my foot pressing down harder on the gas pedal as the anger bubbled up inside me, desperate for release. The streetlights flashed by in a blur, the buildings a shadowy backdrop as I pushed the car to its limits. I knew I was driving too fast, knew I was being reckless, but I didn't care. The speed was the only thing that seemed to match the chaos inside me, the only thing that made me feel like I had some semblance of control.