The Place to Be - John Laurens x male reader

Chapter 5

If Peggy knew that I'd almost accidentally spilled her secret - God, she'd kill me.

I'm lying on my cot, looking up at the roof of my tent. Despite lunchtime having ended a few minutes ago, I haven't eaten anything. It's fine though, just another of the many meals I've been skipping recently. I'm not hungry anyway.

I can't bring myself to get up and have to walk out and look Mulligan, Lafayette and Hamilton in the face again. What if already they've told some of the other recruits? Do they even care that much?

Yes, of course they would care. A woman loving another woman? Society makes it outrageous. I wonder how I got trusted enough by Peggy for her to tell me that she had a crush on a woman. Young Molly Pitcher, a rather fierce girl a couple of years older than Peggy (No but look her up she's amazing). I could see why Peggy liked her. If it wasn't for the horrible way women were treated I would try to get her to join the army. However, not many women are like Peggy, who loves women rather than men. Molly will end up finding a husband, it's the sad truth.

I do not understand why anyone would be so against homosexuality. How could anyone be against it. Why is a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman any different to a man loving a woman? How could anyone be against it when it's just the way the heart works? How can anyone help it, it's not their fault that they like the same gender. 

Peggy can't help being in love with Molly. And I will never blame her for it. It's not something you blame someone for. I mean, even I am definitely attracted to men and not women, so-

I stop, processing what I just thought. Why did the thought of me perhaps being gay scare me more than finding out Peggy was too? Why was it any different?

Maybe it's because I'm stuck in a training camp with about forty soldiers that all happen to be male. I wonder if any of them might be gay too. I mean, I haven't been interested in women for my entire life, except for when I thought I had a crush on Peggy when I was ten. But I didn't. I had mixed up platonic feelings with romantic ones. I see Peggy as my sister, the sister I never had, growing up with no siblings. 

Looking back now - Y/n, you dumb git - I must have had crushes on so many of my childhood friends. I just didn't realise what the feelings were, as I didn't think they were natural between boy and boy. I think when I first met him, I had a tiny crush on Johnson as well. Not that I do anymore, he's disgusting now.

I almost laugh, thinking of how he would have reacted to that information.

"Hello?" A voice calls from outside my tent. I jump, snapping out from my thoughts, running to the front flap of the tent. When I open it, I see John Laurens standing outside. He looks concerned.

"John," I say, looking at him. "Aren't your supposed to be training right now?"

"I was sent to get you," he explains. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I lie. "Just a bit of a headache."

"I can tell the troop leader you're not feeling well if you want," he offers. "It was very hot this morning. You could have heatstroke."

"I think I'd know if I had heatstroke."

"Ok, first of all, how do you know that?" John asks. "You could have heatstroke and not know."

I raise an eyebrow.

"A-and second, even if it's not heatstroke, I could tell him it's heatstroke."

I smirk a little. "What, lying to the troop commander? Outrageous," I tease. Then I pause. "Would you actually do that for me?"

"Of course!" John's eyes widen. "You're my friend!"

And with that, he runs off.

I close the tent flap and sit back down on my cot.