Lexi
The friends we have as children shape us. Some of them we keep forever, some of them we lose along the way... but all of them leave something behind... or in his case, take something as they leave.
Mason Jennings held my heart in his hands at...
TRIGGER WARNINGS: DETAILS OF ABUSE, INJURY AND SCENES OF FAMILY DYNAMICS THAT MAY BE UPSETTING. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION WHEN YOU READ.
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I'm sat on our couch staring blankly at the notebook in my lap. My attempts to tell Kate what had led to Mason and I's hostility had been completely unsuccessful. Every time I worked up the nerve to let it all out, it either came out in strangled sobs or words she couldn't make out. Her suggestion was that I write it all down first.
I've never done this. Write it all down I mean.
Something about putting the words on paper gives the situation a permanence I never wanted it to have and the thought of all my secrets being hidden in a notebook, taunting me from my bookshelf makes my skin crawl. It's like I'm giving my suffering a physical home rather than it just existing in the darkest corners of my mind, somewhere where I can plead ignorance and lock the pain away. I can't do that anymore with the page I've spilt my secrets onto staring up at me. This is real now. There's no running anymore.
I truly consider telling Kate everything, including my current situation... but I can't. Kate's heart is too good to leave it alone. All it takes it one slip up when she sees Sam and Mason will quickly find out and then everything falls apart. It's probably already too much to tell her everything I've written down but I need someone to listen, even if she doesn't understand, before I give in to my unspoken fears and let them wash me away completely.
Kate places a cup of green tea in front of me and takes the arm chair to the left of the sofa where I'm sat. She could've sat next to me on the couch but she's giving me space and I'm grateful for it. I don't even know how to look at her as I let her in. I've known her two weeks and she's about to find out her roommate has a lot more baggage than she bargained for. I just hope I don't scare her off.
She sips her tea quietly, leaving it to me to start the conversation.
"Before I tell you anything, I'm sorry but I have to ask more than I should of you."
"Ask away" she replies with a comforting smile.
"Nothing I tell you can leave this room. Not to Lia, Sophia, Sam - no one. Especially not Mason."
"I promise. Anything you say is safe with me."
"Thank you" I sigh, feeling a sense of relief flood my body.
I trust her. Weird right? To trust someone after such a short space of time? But I think sometimes you can tell where a good heart lies and it seems I've been lucky enough to find one in her. If I have any hope of a somewhat normal life from now on, I have to open myself up to see the good in others. Kate's warm smile seems like a pretty safe place to start.
"Even with it written down I'm still not sure where to start" I say with a breathy chuckle. Nothing can make this easier, writing it down simply gave me a timeline to follow.
