Lexi
The friends we have as children shape us. Some of them we keep forever, some of them we lose along the way... but all of them leave something behind... or in his case, take something as they leave.
Mason Jennings held my heart in his hands at...
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The fresh air isn't enough. I still feel like I'm drowning and there's no hand to grab onto to pull me back to the surface.
I'm sat on the bench outside the rink, contemplating where I go from here. If I go back to the apartment I'll have to answer too many questions from Sophia and Kate, but if I stay sat here eventually practice will end and I'll face the sad eyes and awkward stares of everyone who heard the tragic little tale of how I became an orphan.
Sure I had Derrick but he's no father to me - he barely even treats me like a fellow human, let along a daughter.
So do I stay or go?
I could choose a coffee shop on campus to hole up in but I don't fancy being the assigned emotional wreck in the corner booth today nor do I want to be stared at in the library when tears mess up my notes.
I chuckle sadly at my pathetic array of options.
I wonder what it's like to be the happy person. The one who's the life of the party, always laughing and being adored by their friends because they make everyone's days just that little bit brighter. Do they ever feel as small and insignificant as I do now or are they blessed with the feeling of being valued, no matter the time or place?
I kick the ground in a child-like display of my frustration. Fuck the universe for casting me as the emotional screw up who usually dies by Act 2 because she gives up on the world.
If I didn't have Heather to think about, I would've ceased to exist before the curtain even opened. People would only miss me because they'd lose their favourite toy - the object of their abuse because affection was saved for those worthy of it. Somehow I never was...
Thinking of Heather makes me realise how long it's been since we last spoke. I didn't want to be the overbearing big sister who ruins her street cred by checking up on her and asking if she's sleeping enough and eating peas I usually had to force feed her. I figured she'd be busy with orientation for a while but I'm not ashamed to say I miss her. We've never been apart this long and it feels like I'm missing a limb.
Despite losing Mom even younger than I did, Heather is in fact the happy character in the story. She's bubbly, well liked, the baker of the best red velvet cake that I would cut a bitch to get a piece of and most importantly, my little ray of hope on the dark days.
I'd say today is without a doubt one of those days and I need my sunshine to send the clouds away.
I pull my phone out the side pocket of my bag that I quickly grabbed as I fled the car crash taking place on the ice. I don't allow myself to consider the mess I left behind as I skated away from an uncharacteristically emotional Mason and immediately find her contact on speed dial, choosing to call her rather than face time so she doesn't see my puffy face from all the tears. It's now 7:12 am so she'll just be waking up to get ready before the dining hall of her boarding school starts breakfast at 8.
