Bound by Marriage ✔NamJin

Chapter 13: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Jin was trying not to smile as Namjoon pulled him closer. "Joon!" He exclaimed, feigning annoyance. He really was such a card sometimes. Jin could feel himself getting more and more flushed. Namjoon's grin faded off his face as he stared into his eyes, and before his mind could register this, he was kissing him.

It was really nothing special in itself-his mouth gently pressed against his own for all of three seconds before he pulled away. Jin hadn't even kissed him back. But somehow he could feel his heart thumping in his chest and his skin tingling pleasantly. Jin wanted to smile at him, to do something to show he was okay with this, but his gaze went straight to his fingernails and stayed there. Jin could feel him suddenly release his shoulders and he made a nervous grunting sound, jerking away from him. Namjoon was still for a moment, and Jin knew he was looking at him, but his eyes remained wide, staring at his hands, so he awkwardly laid back down and turned over so he was facing the opposite direction.

As he pretended to go to sleep, Jin tried to sort his thoughts. Well, this was a clear sign that he was attracted to him, which was what he had been waiting for. Yet, in all the times he thought of it over the past week, he had never gotten further than this. So Namjoon gave him another sign. Now what? What was he supposed to do next?

Jin should have kissed him back. He cursed himself hopelessly. Now they would have to TALK about it. Actions were so much easier for him. Maybe if he just tapped him on the shoulder and kissed him right now they could go on with their lives? But that would be too simple, he thought. No, he'd have to tell him it was okay that he kissed him, which would lead to him questioning his feelings, and he could already see them not sleeping in the same bed for another week. He didn't even KNOW how he felt towards him, anyway.

Why hadn't their fathers thought a little more when they married them? They could have forced them to date or something first! Given them an actual ceremony so he could have a wedding night and just get this awkward stuff over with! Maybe then their feelings could develop in a normal way, instead of this slow breaking-through-barriers that they were currently doing. They didn't even treat each other as romantic partners. It was as if they were just rooming together and happened to share a bed. How were they supposed to move forward when there were all these strings attached that tangled around their feet?

Namjoon sighed very quietly beside him. Jin wanted to stroke his hair or give him some other reassuring gesture, but he couldn't even stop staring at his nails. Namjoon had said the color was the same as that of his eyes. He called it perfect. Somehow that thought gave Jin the strength to look at him.

His shoulders were tensed and his entire body was completely rigid. Even his breathing seemed like it was a forced effort. Jin half-smiled at him. He was so good to him. Didn't even press the issue, gave him time to sort things out. So selfless. He had never pushed himself onto him. A lesser man in this situation definitely would have. Namjoon probably had no idea how much he appreciated him and all the kind things he had done. Even from the start, when he had given him the ring during their first meeting, he had treated him like a prince.

Jin sat up straight, sudden epiphany turning his blood into a liquid fire and forcing him to stand up. Namjoon didn't turn to look at him, but his heart was racing. Stiffly, he grabbed some clothes and walked towards the bathroom to change. At the door, Jin paused, not turning.

"I'm going to take a bath...Get ready to leave," he told Namjoon. He heard him begin to sit up and quickly entered the bathroom, slumping against the door as soon as it had shut.

He didn't love him, he knew. But someday...someday, he would.

.....

Okay, that probably wasn't his best idea ever. Having an IQ of 148 seemed like a real waste when he did stupid stuff like this. What's the point in being smart if you don't exercise your intelligence? Namjoon felt like he was 13 again and suffering under the power of his first real crush. Where was he now? 22 or so and suffering again? He could be so dumb sometimes.

It wasn't like Jin asked him to. Jin didn't give any signs or hints that maybe he wanted him to do that. There was no reason behind it. He let go of his shoulders. Unless you counted subconscious stimuli.

All those dreams he'd been having.

When the first dream came along, he excused it as being a stress-induced vision of the person that had been troubling him. That was back on the night he'd started avoiding Jin. And it had added to his need to be as far from him as possible.

But the dreams hadn't stopped. He'd been dreaming of Jin every night since then. Sometimes they were dreams about a real marriage between them. Other times it was their future. And still other times...well, strip chess was only one example. Those seemed most frequent. And it wasn't like he didn't enjoy it.

Of course he LIKED him. Jin was chipper and easily excitable and didn't mind watching the clouds with him. He was fun to be around...always teasing and taunting and torturing him, but in a good way. He never would have thought those things could be a virtue in anyone but Jin somehow accomplished it. He was bossy and more than a little picky at times, but he always seemed to know the right thing to say. And, of course, there were also his quite pleasing physical attributes. It wasn't hard to like him.

Still, liking him was different from kissing him. Namjoon couldn't hope to express how screwed up it was to be married to a boy for months and only now were they sharing their first real kiss. Everything was so backward that he had no idea what was right anymore. He had been expecting something different.

He wished he was a more aggressive type of person. Maybe then he and Jin would've already been at it when they moved into their new house. It would have been so much less awkward. And out of all the avoidable things Namjoon hated, the wkwardness was rather high ranking. Yet there seemed to be little he could do about it now.

Jin still hadn't looked away from his hands. That nail polish was pretty, but he wished there was nothing to draw his attention away from him. These long seconds of silence were like being held down and cut ever so slowly. Each passing moment was just tightening the ropes and sharpening the knife. He stopped looking at him. Seeing Jin shell-shocked like this was painful in itself, to his pride. Was kissing him really that bad?

He laid down on the bed from his sitting position and turned away so he could no longer see him. Namjoon decided that Jin probably was too good for him anyway, but it still stung regardless. Couldn't he give him a chance before completely discouraging any growth between them? Was he really so undesirable to him? And Jin had said such kind things to him that time...saying that he didn't regret their marriage. Saying he was the one he missed most of all. Telling him that this was truth.

Namjoon sighed quietly. He believed him-if somewhat wavering, there was still trust there. He didn't want to call up those feelings of inferiority ever again...he had been right in saying that he had a bit of a complex. Regardless, there was a difference in thinking you are something and being told you are something. Jin may not have said anything in the last few minutes, but actions speak louder than words. His complete dismissal of him could mean little else than the disgust he had inside himself for him. He didn't need to be a genius to know that much, at least.

Jin suddenly stood up. He tensed even further, trying harder to make his breathing seem natural. Jin was going through his wardrobe and then he was standing still at the bathroom door. His eyes were screwed shut, keeping out his image as resolutely as he could.

Yet his voice seemed to crack all his determination to seem unaffected. "I'm going to take a bath...Get ready to leave."

He sat up, opening his eyes and seeking out his face, but the bathroom door clicked shut and he could hear the water running. Is he kicking me out?

He slowly and reluctantly searched their room for a bag and began to pack his clothes.

A/n: WTF 😒 lol don't come at me, I don't even know what I'm writing