Game Over ~AntiAverage

8. Anti

You really are a monster you know that? I narrowed my eyes as the usually dark voice crept back up. I was sitting on the couch lost in my own mind. The doctor... He was adamant that we have 'regular' visits. That means your crazy. Totally bonkers. Fucked in the head. Can you shut up for once, please? Does it matter? YOU'RE INSANE ANTI! Deal with it. You're the one with the voices in you're head.

"Anti?" I looked up to see Jack standing there and I smiled. I don't know what it is but... He... He makes me smile. It's not that I'm happier with him. I still feel like total shit but it's not as suffocating? I don't know. I've come to find that... that's just Jack. I could see him look back hesitantly and I spotted the doctor watching me cautiously. "Anti... would you like me to show you to your room?"

"I get a room?" His eyes narrowed as I resumed just looking at my hands. I felt so... blah. Everything was getting to me but I don't know. I just don't feel right. You're not right... right in the head. Oh, shut it... "I thought you would want me out of your hair as soon as possible."

"Anti..."

"Am I wrong?" I look up hoping I would see something that said I was but all I saw was a guilty frown. "See, I'm not wrong."

"Anti..." I narrowed my eyes feeling my hand twitch slightly and I looked down with a sigh. "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." I just frowned. It was like this pressure was just sitting on me. Drowning me in the nothing that surrounded me. I just wanted to curl up and sleep. It was pointless anyway. Why bother? Hey, you're starting to sound like me. Well, your right. I'm just being pathetic. "I'm just tired."

"Then let's go to your room." Jack took my hand and pulled me up to my feet with this smile on his face. I didn't bother to even try and look happy about it. I just sighed as he started to lead me off. The doctor shot me this confused look and I frowned. Somehow I'm so pathetic I'm managing to make someone who I apparently tried to murder worry for me. How is that even possible? Look who's finally seeing it my way. I've just... don't feel like fighting right now. Jack led me up the stairs and through this hall until I was met with a clean brown door. He opened it up to reveal an empty room. And by empty, I don't mean without furniture... I mean devoid of life. It was clean. There were no pictures... no signs that anyone actually lived in it. Even guest rooms have a life. This one looks... stagnant. "Here it is."

"Thanks." I whispered as I forced my feet to move. I walked over to the bed and just sat. I felt... drained. That's what it was. I was drained. Jack frowned as he looked around with obvious concern I just sighed as I laid myself back and curled up. "Night... Jack."

"Goodnight, Anti. Sweet dreams." Sweet dreams my ass. The moment he closed the door and the black took over I was plagued by nightmares.

The dark streets I walked felt cold and baren... unwelcoming as I made my way down. The voices wouldn't let up. They got so loud not even the excessive sound of a blaring car horn could jar me out of my thoughts. My thoughts... They weren't my thoughts. They were there. Like to blood devils that sit on my shoulders whispering... whispering. Until they scream! You can always tell them apart one just has a little more blood on it then the other... a darker more sinister tone. One not afraid of violence. That one feeds into the insanity... feeds into the madness. That's the one that's pushing me... poking me... Stoking the embers of anger until he can grasp at a raging inferno. Sean... he calls out for him. Telling me my creator doesn't care. The man I feel so drawn to protect... He would cast me out instantly. I was worthless. I was pathetic. He feeds off of my anguish. He feeds off of my pain. At least that's how I feel.

I'm alone. I'm always alone. But this... I was alone with only my mind to keep me company. The day I arrived... I was lost. I couldn't find my way to where I was meant to be. At Sean's side. When I finally did find him he was laughing with these other men. The voices screamed to me to run to kill to do something. I was alone. I was hurt and alone. I found myself walking down this dark dismal alleyway. I wanted to die. Don't ask me why. I don't understand it myself. But I did...

And soon my wish found a way. I found myself pressed up against the brick with a rusty gun to the temple. I wasn't fazed in the slightest.

"Give me your money." The man called. What money? I'm a fictional character... Worthless... Vile... Pathetic... Pointless... WEAK! The black crept in so fast I could literally feel my mind snap. "HEY..."

"H̸e̴y̸ ̷i̸s̷ ̴f̴o̵r̵ ̶h̸o̶r̶s̴e̴s̵,̶ ̷F̶u̵c̸k̶t̶a̶r̷d̵.̷" I watched as fear filled the man's eyes. "A̵n̴d̶ ̸y̵o̶u̵'̷r̴e̶ ̸n̸o̶t̷h̵i̶n̷g̶ ̸b̷u̸t̴ ̵t̸r̸a̵s̴h̵.̷" I watched as my hand reached out summoning a knife. "T̵h̶e̶ ̶o̶n̸l̴y̸ ̸p̷l̶a̶c̸e̴ ̶t̷r̷a̵s̶h̵ ̴b̷e̸l̸o̶n̸g̴s̴.̸.̷.̶ ̸i̷s̷ ̵i̸n̴ ̴a̴ ̷d̶u̶m̸p̵.̵" I watched as I moved to switch our positions until he was the one pressed against the wall. I watched. I watched as everything moved along without my consent. I didn't want to summon the knife. I didn't want to press it against the man's throat. I didn't want... But I still did. It was like someone else was in control and when a flash filled my vision... when a loud bang filled my ears... when pain filled my chest... I was lost.

Blood... I could smell it. Images... flashes of what was happening crossed my mind every once in a while. I just screamed. It wasn't me. I wasn't doing it. I wasn't... But I was. My knife slid across his neck separating his skin like a string through softened butter... red. Everflowing red filled all my senses. The sight. The smell. The feeling. The sound. The taste. Yes, even the taste as my tongue brushed against the cold metal of the blade. The sick metallic lingering on my tongue. I hated it.

"N̶o̴,̵ ̴y̸o̶u̸ ̸l̶o̶v̸e̸d̵ ̸i̴t̴.̴ ̴I̶ ̷l̴o̵v̸e̸d̷ ̷i̶t̸.̵ ̴G̴e̷t̵ ̴u̶s̶e̸d̸ ̴t̵o̴ ̶i̸t̶,̸ ̷S̶a̸m̸.̶.̵.̶ ̷I̷t̸'̵s̵ ̶j̴u̸s̸t̶ ̶y̵o̷u̷ ̵a̷n̶d̷ ̶I̷ ̷f̸o̴r̸e̵v̸e̴r̸.̵"

"ANTI!" I jumped up feeling someone jerk me to the side and I groaned blinking the haze out of my eyes. I looked up to find Chase giving me this concerned look and I frowned.

"Chase?" Relief filled his eyes and I looked around to see everyone watching me cautiously. Wait... Why was I back in the living room?