What I Thought I Knew

Bad Habits

Lacy realizing that she may have made a mistake, and that maybe she should have let her mother explain it to her sister instead, stands up. "Kara wait," she calls out.

Kara turns around, a small fake smile on her face, "I'm okay, I'm just going to get some water."

Lacy watches her for a moment before choosing to believe her and she sits back down. Kara then makes her way out of the room and down stairs before stepping out onto the front porch. She sits down on the front steps pulling her phone out. After dialing the number she listens to it ring a couple time before they pick up. "Hey, I uh," she starts but that's all she could think to say, the emotions already breaking cracks into the numbness she had so badly wanted to feel.

"Kara, what's wrong?" Simmon asks immediately.

"N, nothing, I um, I shouldn't have called." She says and was about to hang up until he calls out for her to wait.

"No, wait, Kara, it's fine. Um, how's the weather?" He says quickly.

Kara laughs, the kind that sounds as if she wanted to cry but the slight burst of laughter interrupted that emotion briefly. "The weathers fine," she's quite for a moment and Simmon was about to say something else when she starts talking again. "Can you come over?"

Simmon doesn't respond at first, and Kara starts to rethink asking him when he answers, "yeah, I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Twenty minutes later just like he said he's parking by the curb Infront of her house. Kara knows for a fact that he doesn't have his actual license, just his learners permit, so there's no way his parents okayed his visit to her house. Meaning that he definitely "borrowed" the car without permission.

He walks up the front walk, stoping Infront of her, "hey," she says looking up at him.

He gives her a small smile, "hey," he says before sitting down next to her.

"Thanks for coming, I just, you were the one person I wanted to talk to right now." She explains, and he nods letting her know he understands.

"What did you want to talk about?" He was slightly hoping it would be about whether she had feeling for him or not, but he knew that probably wasn't it. He could tell there was something on her mind, something upsetting her.

She looks down, playing with her sleeve she had pulled over her hand. "I just found out that my family had basically pretend I didn't exist for the last five years." She tells him before biting her lip, she didn't know why, but it hurt her more than she felt it should.

"I'm sorry, how, how are you doing with this information?" He could see that it clearly bothered her, but he didn't want to just assume how she felt about it.

She shrugs, "I don't know, it's just," a tear slips out. "I'm the reason they were all broken, I made one decision when I was four years old and because of that so much was lost. So many lives changed because of me. My siblings didn't get the parents they deserved for five years, and it took my family pretending I didn't exist for them to be able to something that barely resembled what they had before. You know Charlie told me the other day that Amy had a full ride scholarship to a school out of state, but didn't go because she stayed home to take care of my siblings after my kidnapping. My mom apparently shut down, and my dad just wasn't here much. I don't blame Rose for hating me, I mean I ruined all their lives because I couldn't follow one rule. I asked Saddie if she was excited for her eighteenth birthday, and she said that we don't celebrate her birthday. It's two days after mine, it didn't take much to read between those lines. My family hasn't celebrated her birthday in ten years!"  She tells him the emotions finally breaking through, and she starts to think about how selfish she feels now for being up set about all the changes in her life, when her family has been living in the after affects of "her" mistake.

Simmon places his hands on her shoulders, making sure that she was looking at her, her body now slightly turned to face him. "Kara Thomas," he states and she doesn't interupt him so he continues, "it is not your fault about any of that. You were four, the only person to blame is the person who took you, and your family is okay now. Things are going to be okay now. You did nothing wrong, and it's not your fault." He re-clarifies, wanting her to understand his point.

He stares at her for a moment, and she stares at him. She wants to accept what he's saying, but the guilt she feels is so powerful. So many thoughts and whispers of blame going through her head. She just wanted to not think for a moment, so thats what she did. She didn't think, and instead just leaned in and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but kissed backed the moment he registered what was happening. They sat like that for a minute before she pulled away, "I'm sorry, I," she glances at the door, "I should get back inside before my parents panic."

He nods, slightly dazed, "ye, yeah, um good night," he says as she stands up, rushing back into the house.

The second the front door closes she stands there, a bit panicked and flushed. "What did I do?" She thinks to herself. She was supposed to be figuring out her feelings before she did anything. She promised Vicky she wouldn't drag him around.  That's when her mother walks into the living room, "were you just outside?" She asks, confused on why her daughter would be outside, barefoot, at nine at night.

Kara looks at her mother, not sure what to say, "I," she pause. Does she lie and just make something up, or does she tell her mother the truth and hope that she isn't upset, or that she might have advice for her. Deciding she didn't want to talk about her boy problems with her mother she chooses to lie. "I went out side to make a phone call, so many people in this house, it's hard to talk on the phone with out someone listening in. I didn't leave the porch though." Technically it wasn't a lie, she just left out the part where simmon came over and she stupidly kissed him.

Her mother nods, "okay, just tell me next time, so I know where you are." Kara smiles at her mother nodding too, before telling her goodnight and heading up the stairs.