dempeo/merder oneshots

don't go

Its been 2 weeks since Derek's death.

I walk into cristinas room. Alex is in there too, aswell as amelia and izzie "Hey" he says softly. I look down, trying to hold myself together.

"Mer?" Cristina says. I walk over to them. They move over and I climb into bed next to them, ontop of the covers, sat between cristina and Alex as izzie and amelia sit on the end.

"I can't sleep" I whisper, still not making eye contact with any of them. "When was the last time you did get some sleep?" Cristina asks. "Two weeks ago" I look down as tears stream down my cheeks.

"I can't sleep without him" I say. "I just- I feel like I can't breathe without him it hurts so bad.. my entire body aches for him and he's just not here.. he's gone" I'm still trying to hold myself together.

"Did it- did it feel like that.. when your-" I look at amelia and izzie. "Yeah" they both whisper. "I just- I miss him so much.. how am I supposed to live the rest of my life without Him.. he wasn't supposed to be the first to go.." I say. They all look sad for me.

"How could he leave me? I hate him" I say. "No.. you don't" Alex whispers, gently rubbing my back. "I do.. he left me.. he said- he said he would always be there.. and he isn't.. I hate him so much" I say.

I push my face into his shoulder as Alex hugs me tight. I sob into his shoulder. Cristina strokes my hair gently.

Flashback:
Derek's walks into the residents lounge. He sees me sat on the bench, tears streaming down my cheeks. He walks over to me, sitting next to me. I rest my head on his shoulder. He strokes my hair gently. I wrap my arms around his waist. He wraps his arms around me as I cry Into his shoulder.

-----

"So.. what's your story?" He asks. "I don't have a story.. im just a girl in a bar" I smile. "I'm just a guy in a bar" he says. He orders us some more drinks. We look into eachothers eyes. We lean closer to eachother slowly, kissing passionately. "Wanna get outta here?" He smirks. I giggle, nodding.

-------

"What was I to you.. the girl you screwed to get over being screwed?" I look at him as he sits on his porch. He looks into my eyes. "You were like coming up for fresh air.. like I was drowning and you saved me.. that's all I know" he says. "Its not enough" I walk to my car.

------

"I believe that we could be extraordinary together.. rather than ordinary apart" I say as I stand in the house outline of candles. He starts walking over to me. "And I wanna be-" he cuts me off, kissing me deeply.

--------

"Derek" I whisper. The machine bleeps. "Derek" I whisper again, every memory of us running through my brain. "Derek" I whsiper, looking up at the machine and then back at him "it's okay.. you go.. we'll be fine" I whisper, holding back my sobs. I stand up, putting my hand on his chest as the nurse turns off the machines. He takes his last breath and just like that.. he's gone.

---------

Present:
I keep crying into Alex's shoulder as I remember all of our time together. "I can't- it hurts so bad.. I Need him.. I need to talk to him.. I can't- I can't breathe" I pull away.

"I don't- I don't know what to do.. I- he calms me down.. and he's not here.. I can't get over him.. without him" I say. A few tears run down some of their own cheeks. They probably hate seeing me like this.

"I need to hear his voice.. his laugh.. I- I'll never be able to see him again.. to hug him.. talk to him.. we- we were gonna grow old together.. we won't be able to.. make new memories.. he wanted another baby.. we were gonna have a bigger family and now I don't have one" I cry uncontrollably.