MYSTERIOUS LOVE

"A flash back" chap 1

*7years ago*

"Please please d-don't hu-hurt m-me I didn't do it I swear!! Please you have to believe me please! You know i didn't do it!!" I plead with my new step father only feeling waves of straining anger rush through me

"Oh really" he says while yanking me up from the floor by my neck rough enough to leave marks my throat strains at the pressure

"Please! I swear it wasn't me- I growl out my strained throat I try not to say what I'm thinking I know that if I do it'll only make thing  worse for my mom even though it's her fault she has the worst taste possible in man

"Then who was it then! Huh!?! Casper the fucking ghost you lying little bitch your just like your mother!!!" He's huffed out only grasping at me harder as if he'd know it would fuel my frustration deep down

All I did was sit and cry and scream
There was nothing I could do ever,
I tried soo hard everytime to try and not make things harder even getting side jobs to stay away from this type of behavior but it seems darkness finds me....

And I find it...

Everyday use to be the same moving place from  place my mom finding a new man every go around and sometimes they didn't really want her, they wanted me and they got me with or without my mothers knowledge it always went the same way they ignore my plea and failed attempts of escape raped me again and again against my will or beat me

Over and over again for god knows how long, but i took it, I took it all, at some point in the midst I learned to switch off what made me feel weak sometimes it leads me to think I might be sociopathic but Ive never really pegged Myself as a bold enough person who would be able to just switch it all off you know, but
Sometimes I find myself contemplating the lines between caring and never caring again the line between them blurs in moments of rage and sometimes I almost feels like there was never a line to cross to begin with

My mother has always been a wonderful mom never letting me go without even when she has little to nothing but this time it was different this last husband of hers took it too far without reason I recognize that my mom tend to shield her true self and shelter herself from the truths that always seems to be right in her face and always settling for less than she deserves when we both know she could do so much better but it's like slowly she started seeming like a person I didn't know like a person who hides things from the only person who truly loves them with all their hearts

I started to realize life isn't as small as we think when we are young

And sometimes you can run but never quit fast enough before the rug is swept from under your feet and at this time that seemed to be happening to me and my mother,
Even on our way to freedom fate seemed to slip the rug from under us both, slamming the truth in our faces no matter the consequences...

*2 weeks later*
"It wasn't her! She's been gone all weekend John!" I hear my mother yell from the other room they started arguing a couple hours ago like clockwork once again this angry man starts
Something that makes no sense

"THERES NO WHERE ELSE THEY COULD'VE GONE" he screams making dark chills run down my back the pit of my stomach burns aflame with anger in the back of my mind thinking of all the way I could end this horrid existence that's suppose to be our happily ever after

What a stupid sentiment I shake my head at myself zoning back in to my mothers panicked breath only rooms over

There yelling about some pills that went missing along with some weed that he always hide terribly might I add..

he always thinks it's me who takes his shit
Sometimes i take a little weed just enough to roll and other times he takes them or loses them in gambling late at night then forgets about it so he blames me every single time because he's always to drunk or fucked up to remember so it never really matters if I took them or not because it always circle back to being my fault