An Unforeseen Love

Trying to get my life together

As I am standing in my bathroom to get ready for work I knew that I wasn't going to be able to cover the bruises that were left on my neck. I finish doing my make-up and leave my hair down so that I can use that as a way of hiding them. As I look in the mirror one last time I feel the stinging all over my body. I hurt like hell and did not know how I was going to make it through the day. However, that is what John wanted. He wanted to beat me to the point where I give up and stop trying to fight back. 

I quickly open the bathroom door and yell for my sister. 

"Megan, do you have a scarf that I can use today?" 

"Yeah I guess, but don't you have your own scarf's?" My sister answered me but I knew she didn't know what happened yesterday. So, she probably thought that I had a change of clothes with me instead of what really happened. 

Instead of grabbing my belongs when I left John's house I just left. I ended up leaving all my stuff there and had nothing but my work clothes, purse, and my cell phone. Pretty much all I had on me was what I took to work with me that morning. He had everything else and at this point I didn't even care if I ever got any of it back. I knew that in order to get my stuff back I was going to have to see John. Would he let me just grab my belongs and leave? Yeah, probably not. He made it perfectly clear to me yesterday that he meant what he said. He wanted me dead and he wanted to be the one that did it. Plus, how was I going to know if anyone was going to be there. I knew that yesterday the only reason that I am still alive today is because of Ryan. If no one else is there I know without a shadow of a doubt that John was going to finish what he started yesterday and this time he wouldn't be stopped. 

"No I don't. Can you just bring it to my room please? I need to finish getting ready for work." I ask my sister as I fight back tears from the pain. "And Mom where is the pain meds? I am hurting today and need to take something."

I knew this may lead to questions from others but thankfully my brother walks through the door with his girlfriend. 

"I'll grab it for you Boo. They are in my room." 

"Thanks mom."

I really couldn't be happier about feelings like I have a home for the first time in a really long time. However, I still didn't feel safe. I still had panic attacks thinking that every time the door was opened John would be right there standing in the door way. I mean he is friends with my brother after all. While I am in my room my sister came in and closed the door. 

"Here's the pain meds and some coffee sis. And here is the scarf for you as well." I know my sister knew now what was going on. I could hear my mom and her talking in the other room about me. My mom told my sister what she believed to happen but she didn't know that I could hear them.

"Mom, why does Becca need a scarf? She usually doesn't wear one to work. And why is she hurting? What happened?" I knew that my sister was concerned. I wasn't acting like myself. At this point I am not even sure if I know who I am any more. I mean for 8 months I have been someones punching bag. As I am sitting on my bed my hands start to shake as my mom tells my sister what she thinks happened. Hearing someone else tell your story (even if they dont know the full story) is  undescribable. 

"Honestly Megan, I don't know what happened. I have a theory but when I asked your sister about it she made up some story. I don't think that she wants to talk about it yet. At least she doesn't want to talk to me about it. But your sister has hand prints around her neck. She tried to tell me that she doesn't know how she got them. That she woke up and they were there. But I know that isn't the truth because I could see pain and fear in her eyes. Plus her voice was breaking like she was trying not to cry. This isn't the first time I have seen bruises on her either. I think John beats her and she is afraid of him and what he will do. I know that they broke up yesterday but I don't know why or what happened."

 I could hear the venom in my moms words as she talked about John. She was pissed off and rightfully so. Her baby girl was being beaten and here I am lying about it to her. She isn't wrong though. I was afraid of John. I was terrified of what he would and could do. I know what he was capable of from personal experience. I mean shit less than 24 hours ago he almost killed me. Which reminds me I should probably text Ryan and tell him thank you. I mean he did just keep his friend from killing me and all. But at the same time I don't want to talk to anyone that knows John. 'That's going to be impossible you dumb ass. Your brother is friends with him and you can't exactly just stop talking to your brother.' 

As Megan is standing there I just look at her. 

"Please, I know Mom told you what is happening. But please can we not talk about it right now? I promise when I am ready to talk I will. But please not right now." I do all I can to keep the tears from falling but I can't as I am looking at my sister. 

"Of course Becca. But just know that whatever you need I am here for you. All of us are. We are just worried about you and want to help. We love you sis. When your ready we will talk."

"Thanks Megan that means a lot to me. Oh, one more thing. Can you make sure that David doesn't talk to John about me. I don't want to deal with that right now. I know they are friends but I just need some space from John. I know I need to get my things but not yet."

"Sure sis I will talk to David when he gets up. I will see you when I get off. Maybe we can do something if you are up for it."

I watch as my sister leaves the room and it just reminds me that I am by myself. Alone. Damn. How do I get my stuff from John's? I mean All of my clothes are there and the pictures of my real dad and grandpa are there. I at least want that stuff back. But how do I face him? What can I do? As I stand up off of my bed I tell myself that is a problem for another day. I just wanted to be glad that I was no longer fearing coming home from work for once. Just then I hear my phone go off again and I know that it is a text message from the notification. 

"Hey how are you." Simple yet I am not sure how to answer Kyle's text. I sit there and stare at the message for a minute. I close my eyes and being typing. 

"Well, let's see John and I are no longer together. We broke up after work. I am living with my mom and the family again. I have none of my things because they are at John's house. I have bruises from him almost killing me yesterday and scratches from the gravel and my head feels like it is going to bust open." I look at that for a few more seconds and decide to delete the entire message. He doesn't want to hear about my drama. 

"I am fine. Fixing to head to work. See you there. Talk on break?" 

I finally decide that is what I am going to send to Kyle and start my way to my car. Before I leave Megan is coming up to my window. I roll it down so that I can see what she needs. 

"Here. I remembered that I never paid you back the $150 that I borrowed from you. Sorry sis. Have a good day at work."

I looked at the cash like it was a foreign object. Yes, I lent my sister that money about a month ago but I didn't know why she was paying me back now all at once. I guess I was just use to whenever I got money John taking it to go buy weed. He didn't work. All he did was sit around hanging out with his friends and getting high. But he stole from me to support his habit. I started hiding money in my car just so I wasn't always broke when I would get paid. 

'Well here we go. Off to work.' I tell myself as I start to drive and looking forward to actually being home for once. 

For once I don't have this gut wrenching feeling that going home is gong to be miserable. I don't wish that I could go anywhere but home. I am looking forward to being around my family and being off of work away from people. I use to love being around people. I wouldn't call myself shy or out going but I defiantly didn't question what people were thinking. I miss not walking by someone and thinking what are you really like. Are you someone that acts one way around people and then when your behind closed doors act a completely different way? These are the things that I think when I see people anymore. I use to trust people. I use to look forward to helping people and trusting people. Believing that their are good people left in this world. Now, I am not so sure. But when I am at home with my family I don't have those fears. I feel like I can trust them and that I don't have to worry what is going to happen to me.