An Unforeseen Love

I'm telling him

After work I went over to Kyle's place. I knew that after the day that I had I wanted a relaxing night. And when I spend time with him I feel like I am relaxed. When we get back to Kyle's we decide that we wanted to watch movies and just forget about the day. As we are watching Vampire Diaries I knew that Kyle could tell that something was on my mind. It didn't help that I wasn't really talking and was staring off into space. I knew that he wanted to ask me what was on my mind. However, I also knew that he wouldn't ask me that until I brought it up. He is the type of guy that doesn't want to push things and make me talk about things if I am not ready to talk about it. I knew that he was this way because he never asked me about the bruises and the fact that sometimes I flinch when he is just trying to give me a hug or a kiss. 

Kyle is a big nerd. I don't mean like he is a nerd in the sense he is in love with school because that's not him. He does enjoy History and is better at that subject than me but he is a video game nerd. He loves playing video games. And most people would find this annoying or be mad that he spends so much time playing them as he does. But I really don't mind him playing video games. The reason for that is because I know his video games are like my books to me. That is his escape from reality and a way to relax. Plus he likes playing them. So, why in the hell would I get mad at him for doing something that makes him happy and that he likes doing? It doesn't make sense to me. Plus when he is playing his video games and I am watching him play them I find it relaxing. There are a lot of times that I find myself falling asleep while I watch him play. 

Later that night I got a call from John. Why I answered the phone I have no idea.

"Hello?"  I say confused on to why he was calling me in the first place. I knew that this was not going to go good. But something told me to answer the phone. As soon as I seen his name on my phone screen I felt the panic and terror coming back to me all at once. 

"We need to talk Becca. Just please listen to what I have to say."

"What the hell do you want John? Actually, all I have to say is I want my pictures of my dad and grandpa back. I left them at your place and you never gave them to me when you brought my stuff to my moms." I am trying to remain calm and not show any signs of fear with this phone call but it is getting harder and harder by the minute.

"Well, that's just the thing. I don't have those pictures anymore Becca."
"What the hell are you talking about? Where are my pictures. You know just how important those are to me." At this point I am pissed off. And with me being pissed off and scared is really not a good mix. I didn't even realize that I was shaking and yelling at John.

"It's simple. I don't have them anymore because I burned them."

"What the actual fuck do you mean that you burned my pictures? Have you lost your god damn mind." 

I don't know what is said after that. The reason for that is because I got so pissed off and hurt that I was crying and I ended up blacking out. I know that Kyle took the phone and was talking to John but I don't know what is said. 

After I came to realize what was going on I knew that I needed to tell Kyle everything. I have known that I needed to for a while and this is my breaking point. As I am sitting on his bed I am trying to figure out how I am going to tell him everything. I decide that I am just going to dive right into it and tell him everything from the start to when Kyle and I started talking. And that is exactly what I did. I told him how John would beat me every day when I got home from work for whatever reason he felt like. I told him how he would throw me against the wall and punch me over and over again. Then when he was done he would tell me to go fix my make-up and hair because he didn't like it. I told him how I was never allowed to see any  of my friends or family and when I would get to see my family it was with him there and only for maybe 20-30 minutes. Then he would make some excuse for why we needed to leave. 

Kyle didn't say anything while i tell him what happened. He just listened and watched me. I could see his emotions in his eyes. They went from worry, to anger, to pain all in the time it took me to tell him everything. I even told him what John did when I left him that day. Before this Kyle knew that John had cheated on me. And i knew that he had his suspicions about what was happening  but he is such an amazing guy that he never pushed the issue. 

After I told Kyle everything that happened he just hugged me and held me and told me he was there for me. He just held me while I was crying. He said he would never do anything like that to me and I believe him.  At least I am trying to believe that he would never do something like that to me. John said the same thing that he just said and we all see how that turned out in the end. As I am sitting there with Kyle something tells me that he is different. I mean I know that he isn't like any of the other guys that I have dated. But there's more to it than just that. Maybe one day I will be able to figure it out but all I know is he is different and he makes me feel safe. 

As I am looking into his eyes I can see that he is different from anyone else. I know that he isn't just saying that he wouldn't do anything like what John did. I know that he actually means it. The way that he has been so patient and everything else with me. Most guys would have just washed their hands with the relationship and left. But not Kyle. He has waited for me and I think that he understands more now than what he did when we first got together. 

As I am sitting there waiting for him to say something. Anything. I realize something. He has said it. Maybe not with his words but with his emotions and reactions. I have gotten to where I feel like I can read Kyle pretty well by now. He wants to beat the hell out of John. I know how he feels about men hitting women because we have talked about it before. No I didn't tell him that I know how it feels to be beaten by a man that says he cares about me. I don't even honestly remember what brought that topic up or how we got onto that topic when we started talking about it. But he told me exactly how he felt about that situation. At first I thought that it was all talk. I mean that is how most people are. They are all talk and no action. However, with Kyle right here in front of me I can see that he meant exactly what he said during that conversation. He wants to beat the hell out of John. 

Maybe if I let him I would feel better. I mean seeing the man that beat you get his ass kicked has to have some kind of good feeling behind it right. But I have come to realize something since being with Kyle. John isn't worth it. I know that Kyle would love to and trust me with the size differences between the two of them John wouldn't stand a chance. But that would just leave me with my boyfriend in jail and having to see John again. Kyle tells me that he won't do anything that I don't want him to and I believe him. He won't. He has shown that time and time again. 

I mean don't get me wrong. I would love for Kyle to teach John a lesson that he so badly needs to learn but I don't want that because I want to win a different way. I want to win by being happy, and in love with a great man, and  eventually moving past the trauma that he caused me while we were together. I think that is more of a punishment than having my man beat the hell out of John anyway. And that is exactly what I plan on doing. 

My mom always told me when I was growing up to kill people with kindness. And no I have absolutely no plans on ever being nice to that son of a bitch but I will show him what it's like to not have any control over me ever again. I won't kill him with kindness but I will take away his control that he wants so badly. To a person like John that has to piss him off or do something to him...right?