An Unforeseen Love

A new look on things

For the first time in so long I notice the small things around me. The sunlight coming through the windshield, the fresh autumn wind, the birds flying. Everything. It's November so it's not exactly warm but it isn't so cold that you don't want to be outside during the day either. At night yes you wanted to have a jacket it on. Well if you are like me and your always cold you do anyway.

The drive to work was nice. At least as nice as a drive to work can be. I listened to the music playing and started to sing. Wow I haven't done that in a while. Sing to the radio. Well it's not technically the radio. I don't usually listen to the radio. I usually listen to the music that I downloaded to my phone and that is what I am doing. I am listening to country music which is my favorite. I guess that comes from growing up in the South. Well to be more specific, I was born and raised (for the most part) in Missouri. I didn't care how I looked to the other drivers or who I annoyed by having my window down and the music turned up. I was glad to be a live. I guess it took me almost dying to appreciate all the little things. I guess if you think about it that is how anyone is. It takes someone coming close to death before they realize just how great life can be. For once it was a nice and beautiful day. I am know that there have been other days that are beautiful and nice but I just haven't noticed it in a long time. Well to be more exact I haven't really realized it in the last 8 months. I guess that is what happens when you are in consent fear of being killed by someone that is supposed to be there for you. Someone that cares for you. But people like John, that is just how they are. They tell you anything and everything that they know you want to hear them say so that they can get you to believe their lies. But that is all that they ever say is lies. 

The leaves all started to change colors of the leafs in preparation for winter that was coming. If I had to pick my favorite season I would have to say it's summer. However I don't mind Autumn. It's the perfect weather for a bonfire if your into the kind of things. We'll I am. I was born and raised in the country and I am proud as hell to say that. 

As I exit the freeway I am starting to feel a little better than I did this morning. I am ignoring the pain that is radiating all over my body and the pounding headache that I had. It was this moment that I decided that I was going to do what I wanted in this life. I have seen first hand how quickly it can end before you even know it. I had a second chance at life and I was going to make the most of it.

I turn into work and park. I still have a little while before I had to clock in so I do my usual routine. Listen to music, check myself in the mirror to make sure no bruises were showing, gather my things, and shut the car off. I step outside and realize I forgot to stop and get cigarettes.  Fuck. Oh well this will have to do till lunch. Then I'll go and get smokes.

As I am standing outside my car I look around. No, I'm not looking to see if John followed me but instead I'm looking for Kyle. I want to see him. I don't know what it is about this man but he makes me feel safe and right now I want that more than anything. I eventually see him pulling in some carts so I decided to go stand against the wall and finish my cigarette.  As he comes up with a long line of carts he gets really close to me.

'What the hell is this man doing?'

Before I had a chance to say anything he laughs and says to me

"Don't worry, I won't hit you with the carts."

I don't know why this was so funny to me but it made me start laughing. This man is a dork. After I finish my before work cigarette I head inside to start my shift. I clock in and ask my manager what register I am on. She tells me and I go on my way over to the register. I set up my register and start my day of helping people check out their belongings. Now most people would probably not care for this job as a Cashier but I liked it. Don't ask me why because I don't know but I found it enjoyable for the most part.

I'm helping this customer and she asks me for a carry out. So I put in the code to have my manager call for a carry out for me. And guess who is the one that comes to my register.

"You called for a carry out?" He says it as cool as he can. And I can't help but to smile and laugh. Whenever I needed a carry out he was the one that showed up and did it. I liked that if I'm being honest. But there's no way in hell that I am going to let Kyle know that. He would probably call me crazy. I don't know how to explain what I feel when it comes to this guy. I feel like I have known him for all my life but in reality we just started talking so I don't really know  him. But I can't help it. As much as I try to ignore it there's something between us. At least that's what I think.

**********
Later that day

Kyle ended up getting off work before I did. Which I already kind of expected because he was there when I got to work this morning. He sent me a text message when he got home.

"Is everything okay with you today? You seem a little off."

I got the message but I didn't text him back right away. When I got off and I seen I had a text I had a small panic attack thinking it was going to be John. It's not that I thought that he was going to text me but I mean it's been 24 hours. Not panicking with missed texts messages is going to take some time getting used to. I read the message from Kyle as I am sitting in my car.

I honestly can't tell you what came over me to send him the message I did but I am glad looking back that I did.

"I'll be fine. Just having an off day. I literally caught John cheating on me yesterday when I got off of work and we broke up."

As I get ready to head home I expect him to say something like oh I'm sorry that sucks but never in a million years would I have ever imagined that he would text what he did.

"I don't understand why people cheat. Especially when they have someone as beautiful as you."

When I tell you I was smiling like a teenage girl that just found out her crush liked her back I'm not lying. As much as I tried I couldn't wipe the smile I had off of my face. He likes me. Well he at least thinks I'm beautiful even if I don't see it. To this day I still don't see the beauty that he claims is there. But all I care at this moment is that he thinks I am beautiful.  It's a start.

Me being who I am all I send back is

"Wait. What?"

You idiot why didn't you say thank you or something besides wait what. God. You really are dumb as shit aren't you. I didn't care what thoughts were going through my head. The guy I like and feel safe talking to thinks that I am beautiful. Why can't I just say thanks? But why would this guy like me? There's nothing special about me if I am being honest. Well at least I don't see anything special about me. I use to think that I was pretty and that I was a person that someone would love to be with. However, after John...I don't think that way anymore. Now...I know that there's nothing special about me. There's nothing that would make anyone feel lucky to say "that's my girl" about. I want that. But I don't see that happening anymore. But here I have a guy that is telling me that he thinks that I am beautiful in his own way and all I can say is wait what. Wow. What the hell is actually wrong with me? Well never mind I don't actually want the answer to that question.