I grab my laptop off the coffee table and hastily load the sign-up screen before either of us changes our minds.
The first thing that appears on the sign-up screen is a question asking me to choose a username. I guess I need to give that the most consideration of all since it's the first thing people will see. First impressions and all that. I don't want to put prospective fans off by choosing something really off-putting like Fishwife123 or BigBellyBetty.
If I were using my real name (which I have no intention of doing) I would curse my parents and their obsession with Kenneth Moore. Most people are named after exotic places or beautiful people. Not me, I'm named after a fictional car. It's not even a good car. It's a car that constantly breaks down. I could have coped if they had named me Ferrari or Porsche, I could have even made my peace with Clio or Mini. But to name me after a 1950's film that hardly anyone has ever heard of was quite ridiculous. I'm pretty happy that I wasn't a boy though, I'd probably have been stuck with Herbie and at least they didn't name me Christine.
What name can I use to entice people to my site I wonder. I could ask Philip, but I don't want to push my luck. It needs to be sexy, something that has the necessary qualities to draw in millions of fans from all over the world. Ok, let's try some things.
S U G A R T I T S I'm sorry that username is taken
Probably for the best. I am just pointing out here, that I don't necessarily want these names, I'm just seeing what sort of thing looks and feels right when I type it. And yes, I can see that Sugartits isn't very imaginative.
S E X Y B U M I'm sorry that username is taken
Right OK, yes of course it is. It's probably the most common username on the whole planet. Fine, no problem, there's a ton more I can try.
S W E E T I E P I E I'm sorry that username is taken
I'm glad about that one actually because it makes me sound like an annoying little yellow canary. There is nothing remotely sexy about an annoying little yellow canary.
Sigh, this is harder than it looks. I can't remember exactly where, but I'm fairly sure there was an option for OnlyFans to give me some suggestions for a username somewhere. I can't use it though; it would be like admitting defeat. Can I? No. I can't ask OnlyFans for help before I have even started, and also, I will be stuck with a rubbish username forever. One that I will never be able to remember like:
Gen656TZFX56765thH67tyh76h789jY6esaW4oo00
It will be like my BT Broadband password that I have had to stick on the fridge because no one can ever remember it, and no one can be bothered to keep tipping the router upside down either. Plus, I never know if the circles are zeros or Os.'
I'll just keep going there's no rush is there? I sneak a little glance at Philip who must be able to feel my eyes on him because he looks up from the TV screen. I flash him a dazzling smile, but he doesn't return it. He just looks at the laptop in front of me, shakes his head, and carries on watching Netflix. He didn't actually say anything though so. Still not a no.
S E X Y J O N E S I'm sorry that username is taken
T O O H O T T O H A N D L E I'm sorry that username is taken
B I G I S B E A U T I F U L I'm sorry that username is taken
F O R F U C K S S A K E H O W M A N Y U S E R S H A V E Y O U G O T
I'm sorry that username is too long.
'Philip, why won't it let me have any username? They are all taken, every single one. Don't they reserve anything for late joiners? I mean who the hell calls themselves Sugartits anyway?'
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Horse Face
General FictionHaving teenagers when you are still a year off forty means you're best friends right? Wrong! Her teenagers don't listen and her husband prefers zombies and Grand Theft Auto, leaving Gen to worry about the house, the finances and her work as a magazi...
