Horse Face

Sixteen

I have been thinking about this evening all day, and it isn't filling me with joy. I have been tempted to cancel all afternoon but couldn't think of a good reason. Telling the girls, I had no babysitter would have been the obvious one, but Louanne would know I am lying. Rebecca, and even Cam, rarely say no to having Rosa for a couple of hours now and again.

Horrifying illness perhaps? Except they know that's not true since I was there until late last night, and actually, by the time I had carried Ange through her front door, it was nearly 1 AM.

I have been the victim of a crime and am waiting for victim support? Not very realistic.

How about; I witnessed a crime and have to enter witness protection? No, because Ange's sister Lindsay saw me at school pick up earlier and she will see me again on Monday. Maybe Rosa could have a month off, although that seems a bit extreme just to get out of one evening of espionage

Eventually, I ran out of ideas and so, here I am dressed like a ninja with black leggings and a black hoody on, looking out of the window and waiting for Louanne to turn up in her Audi. I imagine her screeching round the corner like a female 007, complete with bullet proof windows and guns sticking out of the exhaust. I can just picture Ange leading Louanne into her workshop and showing her all the weapons she has hidden in the car like Q without the specs.

'You going to the pub dressed like that?' asks Rebecca coming into the front room with Rosa and two bowls full of toffee popcorn.

'Yes, what's wrong with it?' I ask looking down at myself.

'Looks like you're going to a funeral' she says flopping down on the sofa.

'I'm not dressing to impress,' I tell her, willing Louanne and Ange to hurry up. 'Anyway, nobody wears a hoody to a funeral.'

'They might, if the deceased was mega into the gym or something,' Rebecca says grinning. 'You know out of respect,' she says making a gang sign with her fingers in front of her face.

'Yes, I suppose so, or if they were a designer of hoodies,' I say grinning back.

'I decide to wait outside and give both girls a kiss. 'I won't be late, have fun,' I tell them, but Rosa is already trying to look around me, as the opening scenes for Encanto begin. 'Cam is out but has to be in by nine,' I yell, before I close the front door.

I breathe a bit easier once I am outside, although still nervous I'm glad not to have to answer any more questions from the kids. I have never been much good at lying, my face always gives it away and I can't make eye contact. That's obviously where my children get it from. It isn't like I can tell them the truth. 'Oh, have fun girls, I'm just off to see who your dad is shagging at the weekends these days.' I think not. There's that pang again. That pang of betrayal, and anger, and sadness, which only increases as I see Louanne's black Audi turn into my road and head towards me. Ange is waving cheerily at me from the front seat. Honestly, she's so inappropriate sometimes. Doesn't she know my marriage could be over in a matter of hours? Minutes even.

I'm not sure what I expected really, maybe I should have hired a hearse and got everyone to wear black hats with netting over the face, dabbing at their eyes with a tissue. Yes, that would be more appropriate than Ange's cheerful face and exuberant wave.

I jump in the back and buckle up. It's only twenty past five but the sky already looks like it's getting darker, A stark reminder that summer is still a way off. There rain clouds in the distance, and the whole evening is grey and solemn, like my mood. I stare out of the window as we make our way to the council building.

It's only a ten minute drive to the council building from the village, so when we arrive it's dead on half past five. We pull into the carpark and to my dismay it looks almost empty. There are three white vans in a row, on the far side, and Louanne pulls next to the one furthest away so we can remain out of sight.