Horse Face

Seventeen

I'm sitting on the sofa when I hear the front door go, and my heart, which had calmed down, begins to race again. I have been mentally preparing myself for the past couple of hours and I have promised myself I will keep calm. I'll just be overly polite, bordering on cold, and under no circumstances will I get too animated or emotional, as I would usually during an argument. But as the time went on and he didn't show up I got increasingly angry, all the promises I had made myself were getting harder to keep. I had expected that he would come home straight away, or at the very least within a few minutes of receiving the text but he didn't. He replied by a text instead.

Gen I can explain everything. It isn't what you think. Please believe me. I will talk to you when I get home and tell you everything. Whatever you think it is, it is not. I love you.

I was going to ignore it and I did for a while (1 minute and 23 seconds), but I read it and read it until the words blurred on the screen. Don't reply Genevieve, he does not deserve a reply. Let him sweat and whatever you do, do NOT reply.

Fuck off

I had to put on a brave face when I came home, so I said that I'd, had a nice time. Rebecca, when she finally showed up, asked me why my eyes were red, and I told her that I had drunk more than I should have and had a headache. The last part was true, my head was pounding. Rosa was still up when I got back so I busied myself chatting with her about the film they had watched and she showed me how to jab, jab someone because Cam had been teaching her some boxing moves. I paid special attention in case I needed to use them on Philip when he got home. If he comes home. For all I know he might move in with his new interest. I hope he does because her arse is much bigger than mine and I quite like the idea of pointing and laughing at them in the street. Plus, Ange's lack of tact would make for an interesting watch.

I made Rosa a hot chocolate and me a coffee, then laid with her while she told me all her teddies new names, insisting that I said good night to each one by name. I got bored after five and accused her of making them up as she went along. Then we giggled and made up silly, rhyming names like Rabbit Labbit and Dog Pog. I held my breath when we got to Duck and let it out again when she said Duck Puck! After she finally settled to go to sleep, I tipped the rest of my coffee down the sink and replaced it with a Pink Gin.

While I was laying in the bath with my second Pink Gin I got irritated by its colour and wondered why I was drinking something that looked fun and happy. The very opposite of how I was feeling. Philip would have said only I could be annoyed at the colour of my drink. The thought of him made my blood boil so I started thinking up all the reasons and excuses he might give me when he came home.

1. It's not me, its him.

That one would be true. It's definitely him, because he is a lying cheating scumbag.

2. It really is his long-lost sister/daughter/granddaughter/Goddaughter

3. He was offering his advice because she is a colleague going through a difficult time

4. It was an accident; he fell over and accidently landed penis first on her nether regions and thought he better take her out for dinner.

Then the ideas got damn right ridiculous.

5. They are just friends nothing more

6. He wasn't there with her he just bumped into her

After I realised my bath had gone cold, I climbed out, put some pyjamas on and trudged wearily downstairs to lay in wait. Rebecca had gone upstairs to watch something, and Cam is already asleep, probably because he stayed up playing X Box all last night.