At the End of the Day

14

Chapter 14 // Apollo

"I think you need to go."

I shake my head and Blue raises her eyebrows as if she can't believe what I've just done. Well, I don't fucking care. I'm angry, I'm annoyed and I'm hurt. I can't hold back on how I'm feeling and if I'm going to lose Blue tonight, then I at least want her to know how I'm feeling.

"You're having a go at me, Blue, but you were the one inviting me to go out to eat. You were the one randomly messaging me to go bowling. You telling me friends with benefits do all of that shit?" I throw my hands in the air, growing frustrated by the minute.

"So it's all my fault? You could have shut me down and said no. But you didn't."

"We're both at fault here, Blue! For stupidly thinking, we could keep this agreement going without forming feelings. You wanna know what I think? I think you build this wall, pretending you don't want to let someone love you when we both know that's not true. Love is something that you crave." I point out and her eyes water at my words.

She does her best to blink them away, but they fall, and they don't stop coming.

"I think that you're in love with me and I know that I'm in love with you," I whisper, cupping her face in my hands. "No, this wasn't the plan, but it's okay, baby," I tell her, trying to reassure her it's okay to feel like this.

"It's not." She whispers painfully.

I plead with her through my eyes, hoping I can get through to her and convince her that this is all okay — that everything will be okay.

"I'm not sorry for falling in love with you, Blue."

"Stop it." She tries to pull away, but I don't let her.

She's slipping through my fingers and I'm trying hard not to let her go completely.

"No, listen to me. For the first time in two years, I finally feel happy. You are the one that makes me feel happy. You're all I think about and you're all I want." Blue exhales a shaky breath and then leans her forehead on my chest. I wrap my arms around her body, relaxing slightly at the fact that she's no longer pulling away from me.

My heart breaks more and more when she sobs into my neck.

Deep down, I know why she's holding back on me. She's scared about Cameron, and she's scared about ruining her mother's relationship with her stepdad. She doesn't want to ruin her family.

"Baby, speak to me." She sniffles but still chooses not to say anything. "Blue, please." I bite my trembling lip and try to pull her back so I can look into her eyes, but she doesn't let go of me.

We stand in silence, Blue keeping her arms tight around me as I sway us gently. My arms rub up and down her back and I place kisses now and again on the top of her head, but I can't take this silence any longer.

"I can't give you what you want, Apollo. We can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." My arms freeze and anxiety enters my body.

"Blue — "my voice cracks and I don't know what to say because I'm starting to panic. "Let's just sleep on this, yeah? We're tired, we've been drinking, let's just go to bed and we'll speak about this in the morning." She immediately shakes her head at my suggestion, and I roll my lips.

"I'm sorry, Apollo." No, she's fucking not. "I can't be what you want me to be."

"Bullshit, Blue! You're everything I need. That is complete bullshit. Just admit you've fallen as well. Admit that you love me, too." Again, she shakes her head and pulls completely away from me, leaving me cold and heartbroken.