Distasteful Desires ✔

💕fifty one💕

Farhana's POV

The relentless helpless feeling of having to do something you don't want to has already slip off my body, I have spend the entire night crying blaming every single person in my life for whatever misfortune going on in my life, at the end i convince myself to stop crying because huzaif and everyone else doesn't deserve them,
Parents make decision in our life thinking they know what's best for us but at the end they are clueless of whatever it is that we want,
    I spend the entire day in my bedroom reading and preparing against the examination that will determine my fate, I hate that it's huzaif that is making me having this second chance the school is giving me, it's 1am in the morning just  few hour to the examination i close the anatomy text book with a sigh as a yawn escape my mouth.

I stare at my handbag that's on the bedside and quickly grab it,
It's exactly 3weeks since i took the abortion pills i did bleed but something just doesn't seems right, the bleeding barely last a week and i keep on having this light spotting,
Unnecessary painful cramp and do i had the PT test again which shows positive but it's totally normal until about after 3 weeks, I search my bag for the PT test but couldn't find it making me to sigh, I will need to have an ultrasound tomorrow to confirm, if those pills fail me i will have no any other choice than to evacuate this pregnancy, my bedroom door creak open i don't bother to look up knowing very well it's the stupid man i call husband.

"Uhmmm Farhana." He call and i just open the physiology notebook flipping through the pages.

"I know what i did was wrong and I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness but i want you to know I'm really sorry, it's also difficult for me i still feel responsible for Kamilahs death and guilty for hurting you the way i did, I'm sorry that your grandfather makes you come back to this house unwillingly...............

" leave my bedroom. "I say looking up at him.

" far........

"Huzaif you've misuse your opportunity, I have given you the chance for us to be exactly what you want us to be and you cheated on me with a girl in our home right under my nose, you think I'm an idiot,
You know what?
Forgiveness is a stupid word because people will always be themselves regardless how much chances you give to them, I don't want to forgive you or any other person that hurt me,
I hate you its something that will never change forever." I say and turn back to my notebook.

"You should read this for the exams and goodluck." He say and drop a book on my bed before quietly exiting the bedroom making me to hiss.

Forgiveness?
I don't care whatever people say about been strong to forgive, I rather be the weakest of all than to be strong to forgive, people will hurt you and you will forgive them they repeat it, I don't believe in forgiveness, second chances or whatsoever that leads to happiness and love.

The next morning i wake up earlier than usual the exam is by 8am, i wanted to look my best but turn out staying at my parents house i added a lot weight than i expected i decide to go with a simple black abaya,
Quickly skipping down the staircase with my handbag around my shoulder i sprint to the kitchen and collide into a body by the door,
I gently brush past him to the kitchen and grab alot more bunch of junk food to eat, I'm really surprise by how hungry i am this early morning.

"Uhmmm i will drop you off." Huzaif say once i exit the kitchen and i glare at him with a hiss.

I rush out of the premises and my car isn't in the garage sure enough there are 5more cars there but i just cannot bring myself to ask him for the key, I remove my phone from the handbag and log into the bolt app to call an uber which shows it will arrive after 25minutes i glance at the time on my phone that shows 7:30am making me to sigh.

"Fine." I grumble to myself and walk to the garage where huzaif is standing staring at me with his hands fold to his chest.

"Shall we." I say in annoyance and he release a deep breathe opening the passenger front door for me, I hiss and open the back seat and slip into the the owners corner making him to close the front door with a sigh.

I quickly remove the cake from the handbag and open the hollandia yoghurt gulping it down my throat in relief.
The car start moving and i glance at the rear view mirror our eyes meet making me to quickly avert my gaze back to my handbag.

I continue eating the few snacks in my handbag and by the time we arrive at the school it's 8:05am,
I quickly exit the car and rush towards the exam hall as huzaif call me.

"The exam is in the school hall." He say and i mumble whatever.

"Let me help you with the bag." He say and i throw it on him making him to chuckle, as i walk quickly to the school hall.

"You are late." The unfamiliar lecturer say and i mutter sorry as huzaif catch up with me.

"Hey." He say trailing behind me inside the hall.
"I just want to say goodluck." He say and i hiss snatching the pen from his hand in annoyance.

"Sorry she's late the traffic wasn't so good this morning." Huzaif say to one of the lecture as i sit on the chair dropping my pen on the desk releasing a deep breathe.

I scan around the big hall and there is just me and about 6 lecturers and 4police officers making me to sigh.

"You will do just fine." The familiar voice say and i look up.

"I don't need your stupid luck or support." I say in a whisper to my stupid husband as the exam officials ask him to leave.

He told me I'm going to write 2papers each for 2hours with 30minutes break after the first paper.