Brotherhood

Chapter 43 - Fallout

Author's Note: Things will continue to get worse before they get better, but as for how many times that will happen? Your guess is as good as mine. :') All I know is that we're maybe/hopefully about half done with this fic. xD

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan had known something was wrong long before Anakin's ship returned from Tatooine. The currents of the Force are anxious, uneasy, and that in and of itself sets him on edge. He felt the brief flare of darkness through his bond with Anakin, but it was, admittedly, nothing... too unusual. It's been happening more and more as of late, or maybe it's just that Obi-Wan is beginning more sensitive to changes in Anakin's Force presence.

But when Anakin's starfighter touches down, he knows with certainty that something is horribly wrong. The presence is no longer a mix of light and dark, swirling intermittently. It feels... cold, like someone is pouring ice over him. It's colder, darker than anything Obi-Wan has ever felt before, even from Anakin. In the past, Anakin's presence has become like a black hole in the Force when he draws on the Dark Side deeply, but never like this; it's never been so chilling. It was always a tumult, a storm, a burning inferno. It was never cold.

He knows what he'll see even before Anakin leaps from Rogue onto the landing pad. It's with resignation that Obi-Wan takes in Anakin's yellow eyes, eyes which are cold, emotionless, empty. It's as if someone sucked all the life from him, and it scares him.

Beside him, Ahsoka sucks in a sharp inhale, and Anakin looks at her, pausing. For a moment, everything feels like it's frozen, as if everything is about to irreparably change, though Obi-Wan does not know whether it will be for better or worse.

"Anakin, what happened?" he asks finally, giving voice to the question that is eating at him, at both of them. He is desperate for answers, the memory of a few nights ago – them snuggling together in Obi-Wan's bed, as he and Ahsoka tried to give Anakin the comfort and stability which he needed. It seemed to be working, so what happened?

Anakin's eyes flicker towards him, but he doesn't visibly react to the question or the faint pleading, worried undertone. "I... made a mistake. A costly one," he replies vaguely.

"What do you mean by that?" Ahsoka queries, visibly fearful.

A prickle runs down Obi-Wan's spine as those yellow eyes sweep back to the Togruta. He isn't scared of Anakin, not exactly, but he has never seen him like this before. The Jedi would say that now, he is too far gone. Obi-Wan will not accept that. He refuses to accept that. He will find answers, and he will remain a patient, supportive presence for Anakin.

"I went to Tatooine," Anakin tells them. "I found Cliegg's dead body in the Tusken Raiders' camp. I killed them, all of them. Men, women, children, it didn't matter." His hesitation is almost imperceptible before he continues. "I cannot undo that. I can't... find my way back."

"You can do anything," Obi-Wan counters softly. He moves forward, walking until he's a few paces from Anakin before reaching out to touch his shoulder. "I have faith in you, Anakin. It is not too late for you unless you choose not to come back." As he says it, he can almost feel the way the truth of it echoes in the Force. It isn't too late. It is not too late for Anakin. (It is a truth which he will cling to desperately in the long, long weeks and months that are to come.)

Anakin bows his head, anguish and defeat flashing across his face. "No," he says, shaking his head. "It's not... I can't. I don't know how. I don't..." His voice trails off, and he shudders.

Intuitively, Obi-Wan understands what's happening. It's not that Anakin can't come back – because the Dark Side is a choice; it is always a choice – as much as it is that he is subconsciously stopping himself from doing so. They have to deal with Anakin's guilt – and self-hatred – before he'll be able to take the steps necessary to return. It won't be easy, Obi-Wan knows, because every battle, every mission will be pushing him further and further away from them. That scares him, terrifies him like nothing else ever could, and for the first time, the chilling realization sinks in that – that he could lose Anakin.