Brotherhood

Chapter 8 - The Dark Path Ahead

It's not until Anakin has successfully used the Force to attach new wires inside his hand that Obi-Wan speaks again. "I'm sorry I never saw anything sooner," he says quietly, while Ahsoka continues to maintain her unspoken vow of silence. "I should have sensed something was amiss. I asked him several times if I could train you without the Council's permission, and he refused. He insisted that you were doing well and to give you Jedi training would prevent you from settling into your new life."

Anakin snorts. "Well, it was the truth – from a certain point of view," he allows, remembering Dooku's old saying. "If you had trained me, I would have been incapable of becoming Darth Vader." He gives him a sardonic smile. "That would have been an untold tragedy I am sure."

A surprised laugh escapes Obi-Wan. "That is very true," he agrees before becoming serious. "I should have done something. I should have realized that Palpatine wasn't acting normal."

Anakin rolls his eyes. Seriously? Why is Obi-Wan blaming himself for this? He hopes this isn't normal Jedi behavior, because guilt, like any negative emotion, draws people to the Dark Side. "There really was nothing you could have done," he reassures the Jedi. "Sidious never would have allowed anyone to interfere with his plans, and if you had become suspicious, I have no doubt that I would have been ordered to eliminate you."

He sees Ahsoka wince, and she glances up, her blue eyes meeting his before they skirt away, back down to the floor. He tries not to let it bother him that she's not saying anything, but he realizes that there's much for her to take in. It's probably not easy for her to accept everything that has just transpired. She was probably hurt worse than Obi-Wan since they had become friendly. Why does he always have to hurt the people he cares for?

Obi-Wan nods in silent resignation, gaze focusing on Anakin's arm. He's just finishing reattaching the plating, and it seems to be fully operational, at least for now. When they reach Serenno, it probably wouldn't hurt to have it looked it or replaced altogether, but it's no longer necessary. "Your arm. How did you lose it?" asks the Jedi Knight.

Anakin debates whether or not he should tell him. Somehow, talking to Obi-Wan, even if its about something unrelated to what happened to him earlier, has a calming effect. He no longer feels nearly as eager to murder someone. He shrugs slightly. Why does it matter if they know? They already have accepted that he's killed Jedi. "It happened during my first mission," he tells them slowly. "I was fourteen."

He draws on the Force, keeping his emotions locked behind a durasteel wall in his mind, voice emotionless as he continues. "Sidious sent me to eliminate two Jedi, a Knight and Padawan, who were interfering with our plans." He pauses, pushing a stray tool back in the box and individually bending each of his fingers to ensure they're functioning properly. They are. "The Padawan was surprisingly easy to eliminate," he comments mildly, reaching for the leather glove.

"The Knight was much harder, especially after the Padawan was dead," he continues, pulling the glove snugly over his arm. "I lost my hand to him in the ensuing lightsaber battle." He feels much better telling them the story. It's been years – true – but there are still times when the incident haunts him. The Padawan had only been a child, hardly older than him at the time, and killing him had felt so wrong. He could sense the Force scream in protest as his life drained away. He shudders inwardly, pushing the memories back as he continues the tale.

He silently reaches for the Dark Side, letting it flood through him, giving him power and bleeding his eyes yellow. Its touch is comforting, and it helps him crush the guilt. He will never admit to having nightmares from killing Jedi, but he undeniably does. He doesn't want anyone to know about his weaknesses, his guilt. There are times when their faces haunt his mind, and he's sometimes grateful that he wasn't raised as a Jedi, because it would have been like killing family instead of an enemy.