Brotherhood

Chapter 14 - A Question of Guilt

No one moves until the door to the dungeon swings closed behind Dooku. The click of the lock which echoes faintly down the hall seems to shatter whatever control Anakin has achieved. "Ahsoka?" he whispers, staring at her pleadingly. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was going to do this to you. I didn't want you to get hurt. Please don't hate me. "Snips," he tries again when she doesn't respond immediately, moving towards her cautiously.

A choked noise escapes her as she steps away, her back hitting the wall. Her legs buckle, and she slides to the floor. "Force, what did I do?" Her voice is barely audible, and she sounds dazed.

"You did what you had to do to survive," Anakin answers immediately, kneeling a few feet from her. "Just like I did."

"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan moves closer, crouching down next to her. "It's okay not to be alright. No one would be."

"But why did I have to do it?" she all but wails, tears beginning to run down her cheeks as she blinks them away furiously. "None of this would have happened if Anakin hadn't kidnapped me in the first place. I would be at the Temple instead of being trapped here with a heartless Sith Lord who wants me to be a monster like him."

"I'm sorry," Anakin mumbles miserably. He leans back against the wall, pulling up his knees and wrapping his arms around them. Somehow, he feels that she wouldn't react very well if he tried to offer comfort to her. In the Force, her emotions are a maelstrom, far too complex to begin understanding, but she's clearly hurting. And it's all his fault.

He watches as Obi-Wan rests a comforting hand on Ahsoka's arm. "We'll work through this, Ahsoka," he says softly. He doesn't say everything will be alright, because it would be a lie. None of them know what will happen, and they can't make predictions like that. Maybe nothing will be alright. Maybe they'll find peace. So many possibilities and no sense of direction.

After a moment, she starts crying in earnest. "I – I – I k-killed them," she sobs.

Obi-Wan rests an arm around her shoulders, but it's Anakin who speaks. "Too many times.

When she touches him through their weak Force bond, he knows that she needs his comfort now. There are some things Obi-Wan can't help with. Silently, Anakin scoots over to her, sitting cross-legged next to her, his knee touching her leg. "Skyguy." Ahsoka's voice is so quiet, Anakin isn't sure if he heard it through the Force or his ears. "Does it ever get better?" He knows what she's asking. The unfathomable, all-consuming guilt. The knowledge that your actions have snuffed out another living being.

Anakin shifts closer, resting a hand on her back. "Yes and no," he replies finally. "You can learn to accept it perhaps, but with time, there may be so many you can't – won't – remember their faces or how they died." She tilts her head, tear-filled eyes peering at him. In their depths, he can see a self-loathing, a numbness with which he is too familiar.

He leans over, wrapping his arms around her and cradling her close against him. He doesn't move, even when Obi-Wan rests a hand on his shoulder. Part of him can't believe that this is what had to happen. He hadn't planned for it, hadn't expected it, and now, it's as though the days they spent together are nothing more than a distant memory. Anakin finds himself blinking against a sudden onslaught of tears as it finally sinks in that Ahsoka won't be the same. She's lost her innocence now, and though the damage can be repaired, it can never be undone.

**w**

They're still in the same place when the dungeon door opens at least an hour later, a chill creeping out through the Force. Sidious. Anakin pulls away from the comforting embrace of Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, subconsciously straightening out his robes. To the best of his knowledge, Sidious doesn't even know that they're in the same cell. Please, please let him not insist that they be moved for any reason. He doesn't think he could bear it.