The moon, space and her.

Various complex feelings

I love you.
No I don't.
I mean I do.
But I want to in another way.
But still love you.
I want you.
No I don't.
That's selfish.
I just want your body.
That is not true either.
I want your breath upon me.
But then we love differently.
Then I don't want it.
I want you to sing to me.
I want to feel you love me.
But I already do.
Then I don't know what I want.
I know I want myself to feel good.
I don't know if you belong with that.
Do you love me?
I mean I already know you do.
Do you want to love me?
Wait, do you looove love me?
Then I don't love you.
Not the way you want me to love you.
Do I need you?
Of course I do.
But that's a lie too.
We could both be functional humans without the other.
I mean, life would be weird and boring,
or that could definitely not be.
Do you need me?
Well, I like to think you do.
But that's not true either.
Do you hate me?
You know,
I cannot think of a day you might have hated me.
Do I hate you?
Oh my! I thought I did.
But everytime I think about it,
I think of only hating myself.
Can I forgive you?
For what, exactly?
You have done nothing wrong.
Can you forgive me?
You have.
So many times.
And yet here I am sinning again.
Can you grow?
You are doing it.
On your very own way.
Can I grow?
I mean, I am doing it right now.
At least I hope so.

So, then what is this all about?
Thoughts
That seemingly never shut themselves
Words that pull around from all over my head.
An oddly good description of my current situation.
But, that sadly, cannot see how to resolve.

I would say I wait.
If you said do.
I would.
If you said don't.
I would.
But then, who am I lying?
You ain't gonna be there.
I would waste my life.
I would try

When no other fills up my head
The default is you.
That doesn't mean I truly want you.
That just means you are the basis for all my love.
And up I go from there.
Yeap, that's how I'm gonna paint it.
At least I think I feel it as truth