I Need To Remember

Chapter Five

Maxi walked alone by the gardens trying her hardest to keep a cool mind. It being day two since Riftan had awaken, she was filled with a rush of feelings from absolute relief to an intense despair. The fact that he didn't remember her felt like a stab to her heart, even though it was no one's fault at all. This wasn't a fairytale where he would easily remember her because of true love or something stupid like that. No. He was almost fatally hurt and...she was lucky he was still with her at all.

The terrible thought that she was almost alone again made Maxi wrap her arms around herself, weakly taking a seat on the ground by the flowers as she tried to calm herself. She needn't dwell on that possibility. He was alive and he was okay. While Riftan took his bath, she wanted to run back to him, somewhat nervous that he would get hurt again by himself. But that was an unrealistic notion so she stayed put.

And...she needed to give him privacy, even though she missed him. He was so shy, and- it wasn't that Riftan was never shy around her before, but this was completely different. Maxi was still figuring out the proper way to act around him prior to all of this; now she didn't know what to do at all. It was like their roles were switched. For once she was supposed to be the one with the answers, calling the shots. Except she was still totally clueless and everything felt weird.

But more than that, it was nerve-wracking. She had told everyone that he was still sleeping his injury off, but how long would that ruse work? It was only a matter of time before one of the maids let it slip and everyone knew he was awake. Of course for now everything was going well, with his second and third running things, but they were assuredly going to start bugging her for their commander. And she would have no answer.

What if someone who wanted to hurt Anatol found out he was incapacitated and decided to strike in the moment of weakness? Yes, the rest of the knights were fine, but it was Riftan's strong image that kept others from even thinking of causing them harm. She didn't want any problems- if things would return back to normal no matter what, it was completely unnecessary for word to get out. She had to do her duty as the Lady, and keep everyone safe.

No one outside these walls was going to hear about this, she told herself in a resolved manner. But there was a slight doubt that crept up around her and made the sunny day feel dark. It was that feeling of aloneness that she hated.

After making sure no one was around, Maxi allowed herself to quietly cry. It was just unfair. She had spent weeks by herself waiting for him to come back, and when he did, it was in a feverish and sickly state. When Maxi saw the wagon he was brought in, she nearly vomited thinking for a split second he was dead. But when it was clear he was alive she swallowed her pain and did everything to care for him. Still, the problem was neverending.

She would still love him no matter what, but the thought of him permanently forgetting her sent huge waves of sadness through her. All the memories of them together were cherished deeply in her heart, and she wanted him to have those, too.

"My lady!" She startled, beginning to wipe her tears in embarrassment. When she could see clearly enough to look up, there was a purple flower being shoved into her vision. Behind it was the extroverted face of Yuri. Garrow gave a shy wave from beside him.

"It's to match your gown. How can you cry, being as lovely as this flower!" He exclaimed dramatically as if he were reading an odyssey, which was his strange version of sincerity. Maxi hurriedly waved her hands for him to be quiet- she didn't want anyone else to see her in this pitiful state.

"Uh, t-thank you both very much." With mild annoyance she noticed that he had harshly picked the flower from a nearby bush, but chose not to comment on it. He was too happy for her to scold with good conscience.