I Need To Remember

Chapter Nine

From that point on it felt like complete chaos. Maxi hastened to finish preparations for the royal's arrival. At the same time, Riftan tried in vain to understand all the things that were suddenly told to him.

Point one being that he had defeated a fucking dragon. And it was said so casually too, that he had to ask for the sentence to be repeated. Multiple times, slowly. Then there was the slew of information about the past war that he had to be filled in on, a hellish three years that he couldn't believe he'd gone through. But he had.

He was given a lecture about how Princess Agnes was a powerful wizard who had helped tremendously with the war effort, curtesy of Rikaido. That was all well and good, but Riftan didn't think he had the mental capacity right now to deal with royals. How the hell were you supposed to act around someone like that? How did he before?

Honestly, if he disliked the woman, Riftan was sure he wouldn't be able to hide it.

And there was Maxi.

Coersion, an arranged marriage, war...shit- it was a lot to think about. While he could understand the knight's aversion to her, from the way Riftan saw it, none of this was his wife's fault. She was a pawn in the game as much as them.

But had he thought the same before? What if he treated her the exact same way the others did? Riftan didn't think he could forgive himself. Suddenly a mass of guilt erupted in his stomach at the possibility. Had he done so?

The wedding night, his previous attitude, for fuck's sake it must have been terrifying to marry him, a foreign mercenary turned knight. She was a Lady, and- God, his head was starting to hurt again. His endless, negative contemplating was starting to make his chest heave from anxiety.

Who am I? What did I do? Who am I? Who am I?

"Woah, a-are you okay?" Riftan opened his eyes when Maxi slipped quietly into the room. He had been sitting over the covers on their bed, holding the book she was reading to him in one hand. With the other he had dolorously clutched his head.

"Yeah, don't worry." Riftan tried to remove his hand, but it became harder to act like the pain wasn't bothersome. In an instant, Maxi had ran back out again for some tea to go with his medicine.

When she offered to help him drink, he refused with a thank you, but patted the spot beside him. So while he finished the tea, she undressed while Riftan turned his burning eyes and came to sit beside him. Her warm hand rubbing his tense back worked wonders, but the raging storm inside his heart was hardly dwindling.

Did I ever hurt her? Do I want to know the answer?

Glancing at his wife, he dropped the book he held before taking her hand and pressing an almost mournful kiss on it. What if she truly hoped he never remembered, if only so he wouldn't turn back into a cruel, cold monster who didn't treat her as she should be? I can hardly bear it, no, if that's the case, it's not me who has suffered...

He gently placed her hand back into her lap. With confusion as his mood seemed to be off, Maxi hesitantly reached for the book as she paused her massage.

"If I read, you might f-feel...better."

"No, you're tired," He moved it from her grasp and placed it on the nightstand, at the same time blowing out the candle. She sat still at his abrupt movements, with open hands like she was still waiting for the story.

Moving under the covers he gestured for her to join him. "Let's rest." He managed to push out a tired smile. Biting her lip, Maxi slipped under as well and curled into his arms. But they both felt that the air in the room was off.

Riftan laid in the dark for so long, unable to stop thinking for the life of him. What was their relationship like before?

Suddenly he felt one of her hands tentatively drift up to caress the wayward hairs that lay on his forehead. She let out a soft sigh, drawing him closer to press a sweet kiss on his forehead. Did she think he was sleeping right now?

"Riftan..."

"Huh?" She squealed, so probably. He opened his eyes to a very sheepish and cute face.

"I t-thought you were asleep." She bashfully scooted away, but he tugged her back.

"What did you want to say?" She squirmed like a worm in his arms.

"Nothing!"

"Then what's with your reaction? You have secrets, huh." He pinned her beneath him, taking a long second to enjoy to view before forcing himself to focus. But her lush mouth was drawn stubbornly in a straight line.

Riftan's whole body turned to mush, and he leaned down to kiss that line. She responded eagerly, quickly attaching her lips to his. But he didn't stay there for long, moving down to caress her soft neck. The gasps she let out urged him to go even harder, but he had to remain in control of himself.

"Tell me what's on your mind," He peppered kisses along her stiff shoulder blades and collar bone, maniputively trying to draw the words out of her. "You can't hide it forever." She moaned and clung onto him even more.

"I was just m-mad at you because, oh..." Maxi struggled to speak as he pressed himself against her, hardly knowing what he was doing as she grasped onto his arms. The feeling sent a thrill through him. "Why did you do something so reckless? It always scares me."

With the question, it was like he had been wrenched out of an erotic haze. Riftan stopped his movements, looking down at Maxi as she panted. As hesitant as he was to answer, Riftan didn't think he should hold back. He couldn't risk pushing her away, Maxi, his only shining light in the darkness.

"...I didn't want to let you down. Perhaps it was foolish, but I wanted to win for you. I keep trying to wrap my mind around it- that I'm apparently this prestigious, decorated person. But there's nothing prestigious about me right now." He let out a low chuckle, running fingers through her hair. It was upsetting that he could not see its vibrant color in the dark. Still, he began to spread it out on the pillow. But Maxi stopped his hand, trying to encase it in both of hers.

"I don't c-care about any of that; I just want to be with you. And I need you safe." Riftan tried to swallow the emotions bubbling up as he looked away.

She poked his chest.

"Well, you haven't...been totally honest w-with me either. I think that you're sad about something."

Riftan finally moved from where he was propped above her, sitting as he closed his eyes. He was afraid she would see just how right she was in them.

"It may be too personal for me to ask of you." He choked out with great difficulty, wincing. Fuck, did he have to sound so lifeless?

"And perhaps it is p-persumptuous of me, but I think I'll be the judge of that!" She sat up too, smiling at him. A corner of Riftan's mouth lifted as he looked at her in his peripheral. Though it quickly dropped when he thought of his question. A serious look came to his face, and he brought a hand to her chin, making sure she saw it.

"I need you to be honest with me- did I ever hurt you? I heard how the other men talk, and I agonized over thinking I had treated you harshly like that."

"God, n-no!" Maxi flung her arms around him, and Riftan desperately held her against him. Sweet relief at her touch was felt deep within his soul. "You're always nice Riftan, well, mostly. You never did that, I-I know you would never!" Her cheek nuzzled in his neck, and shortly after he felt a soft kiss being pressed there.

It made his whole body jerk. That kiss also further reminded him of the beguiling creature wrapped up in his arms. In only her thin, sensual nightgown.

Damn it all.