The Foster Girls #2: Finland

Chapter 13: Finland

Leaving Dominic was right. Necessary. If I stayed within his reach, I'd cave -- if he decided to come down on the side of settling for me so he could have the family he'd always wanted. One touch, one smile, one kiss – I'd accept the little he was offering and make it enough, while inside, my soul, my very heart, would be shriveling daily knowing the man I loved actually loved another. So as much as this hurt, it was what I needed to do and that knowledge helped get me through the flight without sobbing all over my seatmates.

It was only when I saw Bet and she threw her arms around me that I lost the fight and unloaded all of my grief on my tiny sister. Right there by baggage claim in Heathrow Airport, to my embarrassment.

"I think the hardest part of all of this is that I was just a weak substitute for Dominic," I said as we were driving to her flat. For a minute I pondered that horrible thought. "Why would he pursue a relationship with me, knowing he was still not over his wife, that he would never love me?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "I don't know." Then she looked over at me, and there was fire in her eyes that I knew was not all directed at Dominic. "Who knows why men do half the stupid shit they do?"

I frowned, thinking out loud. "When your heart belongs to someone else, you either pursue someone hoping second best will be enough or because you want something and the one you want it with is gone so someone you like will do. But why don't they think about how much they're hurting the other person? The girl who loves you wholeheartedly, who hoped you felt the same about her only to find out...you didn't and never would. Why doesn't it matter that you're ripping someone to pieces? That someone was building a dream with you at the center of it and she thought you were doing the same? How can you be so careless with someone's emotions?"

With pain in her eyes, Elizabeth gave me a quick look of sympathy. "I can't answer any of that, Finnie."

Knowing what she was going through with Rig, what Harper had walked away from with Dante, I shook my head.

"Isn't love supposed to be easier than this?"

Gripping the steering wheel, Bet looked like she wanted to cry. "We always hoped it would be. But you know what? It doesn't matter. After what all of us went through growing up, some stupid men aren't going to ruin us. We're the Foster girls who survived without love for a lot of our lives. So we'll get past this, too, and eventually forget the men who screwed us over. Maybe we'll never get our happily-ever-afters like in your stories. So what? We can still choose to be happy. And we will be. It's just going to be a journey to get there."

Staring at Bet in shock, I tried to absorb all of her words, more words than she usually ever uttered at once, and realized she was right. We would all survive this. 

A few hours later, Bet answered her phone, then looked at me strangely. "It's Dominic."

That told me several things. He knew where I was and he knew I was with Bet. He'd already figured out I was gone and had tracked me to England. The man had some mad skills and I knew he knew enough to make Elizabeth look like an amateur.

"Finland, what the hell is going on? Are you OK?" His voice was angry and maybe...frantic?

He was definitely on the verge of losing it, maybe frustrated that I'd promised to talk and had pulled a runner instead.

"Dominic," I began softly, "You know I love you – "

"What the hell are you doing, Finland?" he growled at me, not liking where the conversation was obviously going. "Tell me why the fuck you left."

I swallowed hard, ignoring his demand, and continued carefully.

"And I know you care about me, in your own way," I said gently. "But you don't love me, and I realize that now, that you can't love me because you're still in love with Lisette, and, so, we'd...we'd both be settling if we went any further with this...relationship and that would eventually destroy us."