Barely Holding On (OcxOC Naruto story)

4~ Atonement

TW~ Harrassment, Violence, and Self harm in this chapter

~Rino POV

I started walking back to my house, as the harrassment started. No new insults though. I got the usual "Boyfriend killer," mostly, but that's what everyone calls me, and it doesn't even phase me anymore. They also started yelling their other usual taunts, and stuff. Nothing new. Why I was treated like this, I only had some clue, and that's that everyone blamed me for his death, and all the others 3 years ago. And they had the right to, I am the reason they're dead after all.

My stupidity killed him, and everyone else. Those insults were the only ones that hurt though.

The ones that reminded me of his face as I held onto his body, the life quickly fading out of him. The ones that fueled my nightmares every night, still being able to hear his last, dying words.

 Most people at this point know what happened, how he protected me, and how after he died in my arms, I went berserk, slaughtering everything in sight, except for my friends, and sensei.

At first I hated it, but I'm just used it at this point, and if we're being honest, I like it because I also blame myself for all those deaths that day, and suffering is the only way I can atone for what I've done. Everyone knows how big of a monster I really am. How I could easily snap at any minute again, and how I didn't deserve to feel anymore, so instead of wasting my energy trying to feel, I just let the villagers pummel me until I'm on the verge of death. 

That day when I snapped, it was like someone else took over my body as I just sat in the back of my mind, watching from afar, my emotions blinding me.

I flinched as I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around just in time to see him punch me in the face. I got up ready for more, when he suddenly lifted me off the ground by my neck, catching me off guard as I started to gasp for air. 

"My son was a leaf shinobi in the forest that day." He was practically spitting on me as he spoke. "He died a hero's death, and you somehow made it back alive. You useless, good for nothing, monster. Why can't you just fucking die already." 

With that he dropped me on the ground, and walked away. I just got up and walked home.

"Maybe I will," I muttered as I walked away.

As I got closer to my house I started praying that my dad wasn't home yet. I didn't think I could deal with him right now.

When I got there, I was relieved to see he wasn't there. I walked over to my room, barely giving a glance to my sister's as I walked by it. I took my sword and the sheath off my back, layed it on my bed and just stared at it. Jules gave it to me for my 14th birthday, and on the sheath "I love you like the stars," was engraved on it . I clutched the sheath closely to my chest then went into my sister's room, grabbed the lighter that we always shared, and went out onto the roof.

I layed there for a minute before pulling out a cigarette and smoking it. As I lay there, remembering the happy memories with me and Jules, it started to rain. 

Sitting in the rain, I unintentionally started to cry. At first it was just a tear or two, then I started balling, then that balling turned into full on sobs. In that time my cigarette was put out. I couldn't tell if it was because of the rain, my sobs, or both.

I couldn't move anymore, I was taken over completely grief. That was until I saw my dad's unmistakable bright, white hair out of the corner of my eye, down by the market. I quickly jumped off the roof, and ran back inside. I put Ash in his cage along with Zel, and put a blanket over it so they wouldn't see what was most likely about to happen. I straightened my bed as I heard the front door open and slam shut. I walked into the living room slowly, my knees shaking, and my breathing unsteady.

I'm actually really happy with how this chapter turned out. I tried my best and I think it paid off a bit. I'm still not quite sure what to title this story but I'm thinking about it. Also I probably shouldn't be writing right now because its 12:45am and I have school today I guess at this point so uh yeah. Also that's gonna become a common thing with me of writing when I should probably be sleeping but meh who needs sleep. Thanks for reading :)

~Z

Total word count: 819