Memory Fragments

The Beginning Of The End (VI/X)

The past. Reflections about it, thoughts, and self-projections. We always think about those things when we have an experience that we wished we could've handled better. Sometimes, we simply reminisce. Sometimes, we get lost in our heads trying to escape a memory. It doesn't have to be that way. But, it is the only way we know. When our experiences form the molds of our new ones, we think that things are going to happen similarly, and they do. When we don't try to change the molds by melting them and reforging them anew.

It only takes but a moment to ponder and rethink it. Indeed, we cannot escape it, but we can take it as our fuel for reaching a better tomorrow. And it's not only our own but the ones of the others as well. Who says our paths in life are narrow, straightforward, and exclusive from the ones of other people? No. We can learn and recall events from third parties as if they were our own. That is what I call a shared background. One that can help multiples understand not only themselves but also the ones similar to them. And, in doing so, help each other reach a mutual understanding, plus, a different destination for each. Most of the time.

Yes. Not always do our backgrounds and futures align with each other. Some even collide between themselves. But the view we give them and how we view others is what cements those alignments in the first place. It's all about views. Interpretations. Realizations.

We can see ourselves in the past, be it ours or others, and see different people in each one. We can even see the future and the existing present that is determining which one we are gonna end up in. But, by the time we reach it, isn't that just another present? While the present in which we pondered becomes the past? That's just the nature of time. A construct by us to determine our existence and give it worth. I say it is worthwhile. To ponder these things and extract from them the tiniest bits of wiseness for ourselves and others.

We would never know if what we did was truly worth it. If, given the chance, would we go back in time and try all possible options to try and see which one gives us the best outcome? I think we would. It's in our nature to want the best for ourselves and share it with others. Well, sometimes it is the other way around. The best for others in hopes they shared it with us. Regardless, we would try to choose the best results based on our past ones, which, would be overwritten, and thus make our actions done based on simple assumptions in our heads of things that we constructed to make excuses for our choices. See? That's what happens when one tries to excuse itself for its actions and inactions instead of owning up to them. So, don't feel bad about a mistake or two that haunts you. Correct it not by changing it, but by learning from it and not making it again. Well, if you do make it again, keep correcting it until no one bothers to pay it any mind, right? By that time, it would become one of your attributes. A regrettable quality.

Speaking of regrets, do you have them? I don't. I certainly wish I did things differently sometimes, but I do not regret doing them. Why? Because those things serve as learnings and reminders. No single thing is regrettable by nature. Not guilt, not sadness, not apathy, nothing done, and or everything omitted. As long as you learn from it and own up.

By the by, I chose those emotions specifically because those are the ones most common when we think about the regrets we have. But don't worry about them. Think of them as qualities of a past self that now are changed into their opposites because you overcame your problems and told that past self a heartfelt thank you for the things it did. That, without it, you would have been all alone in an unknown future. Not sure of what to do because you never remembered what you did or didn't do.

The strongest character is found in the fortitude of past selves that serve as foundations for their construction anew. In Deja vú, one is their strongest as it is reminded of what it did even before doing it. Weird how that one works, right?

Lastly, being one's companion, teacher, and whatnot, leads to solitude, autonomy, and or independence. Solitude can turn into loneliness when we forget our past and lose track of our future all the while stagnating in the present. Everyone moves forward, even their history. But we? We cannot do the same if we are under our past shackles. Autonomy can turn into monotony if we don't change our pace from time to time and neglect our freedom. We would do as we want, as long as it is done as we say. Independence can be seen as dependency on oneself, you know? So, don't try to live isolated from everything and even forget yourself.

After all, one only dies when it is forgotten by everything. Even by itself.