Silence

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Why do I get the illness? Why do I need pills? Why do the voices tell me hurt? Cause me pain? I hate it!

Why couldn't I have a happy life where I never heard voices or saw things?

Why aren't I like everyone else? Why aren't I healthy and happy?

Today in the afternoon I'm going back and get to see Adam again, my brother, my twin and my bestfriend, he means everything to me.

Like always Tyler and Daniel watched TV as Izzy read, today is just a relax day, I sat at the dinning room camera looking at old photos.

One was when I made my first bestfriends, Rai and Kai, we were four when we met before I left after a few years and haven't spoken to them, in this picture I was in the middle with the guys tickling me, we were having fun, I miss these guys, if we still knew eachother, I bet we'd do stupid stuff on birthdays especially since mines coming up next week but I doubt anyone knew.

I shut my computer and put it away then walked to the others "I want to go on one last walk, anyone want to join?" I asked with a tiny smile, I liked that I could talk to them but I doubt I would at school or to my doctor.

"I will," Tyler said and we walked but stayed quiet, I wanted to tell him that I like him, I haven't been falling for him but I'm scared, he'll probably laugh in my face and think I'm pathetic.

We ended up sitting on a rock and stayed quiet until he looked at me.

"Arabella, we need a nickname for you, how about Bell?" Tyler asked raiding a eyebrow and I shrugged.

"Ok," I said as he got close to me and I stared at me.

"So cute," he whispered as he leaned towards me but I ran back to the lake house a bit freaked out but I tripped falling down a hill in a pond.

I got out and my clothes were dirty as I walked to the lake house and went straight to my room and got changed then packed.

Tyler was back I knew but I couldn't kiss him even if I wanted to, it would be wrong, but why? Why would it be wrong? It's only a kiss!

I sat on the bed, I think way to much and hate it.

If I kissed him, what would happen? Would we be together?

I have to try in order to know, I need to know, I will wait for the moment.

*when the got back home*

I told Adam everything that happened and he just listened smiling, my group decided to work on the project after school Wednesday next week since we need a tiny back.

I told Adam I like Tyler and he approves because Tyler's a good kid but knows I'm to scared to make a move.

I am surprised I actually made friends like I never thought I would.

That night I spent a hour in the shower then wore pyjamas the whole night and watched movies, it was fun.

I fell asleep curled up in my bed fearing tomorrow.

Waking up, I just wanted to go back in my comfy bed but got up, I skipped the shower since I had one the night before, I just put skinny black jeans on with a queen shirt, my combat boots and a hoody leaving my hair out.

I took the pills and looked at my self, I looked dead, I haven't been eating much because I haven't been hungry lately, my skin was so pale, I looked like a ghost but my cheeks were rosy like usually so still, I looked more dead.

My hair was black so it reminded me off a girl I used to draw.

When I was young, I had weird dreams and when I woke up I sketched pictures where a girl was facing away so you could see her back, she had long black hair like me but always wore white shuff, I drew the pictures in black and white but I knew that the girl symbolics something. I drew her in a hospital, a school, my bedroom and near a cliff, I never knew why.