impossible | 𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙗𝙤𝙤

thirty-five<3

okay three chapters in one day this is actually like crazy

tw: vomit, anxiety

"athena? where are you?" ranboo called from inside my room.

i was currently sat, my back against the toilet bowl.

apparently i drank too much. or smoked too much. because boy have i been throwing up.

and honestly as an emetophobic person, not the greatest conditions to be in.

"i'm in here" i groaned waving my hand at ranboo.

he turned his head and then finally spotted me. "have you been throwing up?"

"like never before!" i rubbed my forehead.

"oh god.. are you okay?" he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"physically? no. mentally? also no." i grimaced, my head throbbing and my stomach flipping.

he sat down cross legged in front of me, and then got a paracetomol out of the box. "here" he spoke softly, handing me a glass of water and the pill.

"thanks" i smiled sorrowfully , before taking it.

"how long have you been awake?" he asked, shuffling so he was sitting beside me now.

"an hour, give or take." i tapped the tile floor with my fingernails. "throwing up, all the while too."

he didn't say anything, he just placed a hand on my lower thigh , to comfort me.

"you might want to move. like. now" are all the words i could choke up, before i quickly turned around, my head facing into the toilet bowl.

i rested my elbows on the toilet seat, waiting to throw up.

ranboo gently took my hair back and held it behind my head, just on cue.

i started emptying whatever was left in my stomach, into the toilet bowl.

like i was genuinely violently hurling into this fucking toilet.

i felt ranboos other hand stroke my back gently.

my body finally stopped trying to eject my literal INSIDES. and i just stayed on my knees, my face resting on the side of the toilet seat. "fuck."

his hand still held my hair in a makeshift ponytail, and his other hand was now rested on my waist gently.

"i am assuming you were the one who put me in bed. considering you're not surprised that i'm hung over" i breathed, reaching over to flush the toilet. "i'm so sorry this is genuinely disgusting. you can go if you want to"

"yeah. i found you passed out on the stairs." his lips tugged into an apologetic smile. "i'm not going to just walk out on you while your like this."

"honestly it's gross ranboo. if you want to go you can." my voice was a noticeable amount more croaky and hoarse.

"no. i'm not going to leave so give up"

i rested my back against the toilet again, my knees tucked close to my stomach. "ugh" i groaned, resting my head in my hands. "the worst part is i can't even say i'm never going to drink or smoke again. because i will."

"if you don't mind me asking, how come you don't get as nervous when you are ill?" ranboo tapped his hands on the floor.

"oh. well i usually do. hangovers don't really make my anxiety bad because they don't last that long. usually anyway. maybe i overdid it this time because it's lasting a little longer. i was panicking earlier though. like a lot." i spoke into my hands. "that's why i didn't call you sooner. because i didn't want you to see me worse than i already was.