impossible | 𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙗𝙤𝙤

forty-four<3

this chapter is going to purposely be written a bit badly bc it's written from athenas pov obviously and it's just to like show that she's a bit messed up by ranboo leaving

btw ik i fucked up the weather for the months i made this shit like tropical and it's literally november ik i fucked it just go along with this LMFAOOO

athena pov 7th november(month after last chapter)

ranboo had been in the USA for the past month and a half.

i was still in the uk. without him. i barely spoke to him because he was so busy. and he left two days after the kiss we shared.

anyway,

it's my birthday today.

and he won't even be here for it.

i don't actually know if the other members of this household know it's my birthday today. not that i want them to know, i don't really want to do anything.

everybody has noticed that it's been difficult for me, i've been spending more time doing short streams and laying in bed, only coming out of my room when people need me to film or when i need to eat.

flashback (two weeks after ranboo left)

"hey, kid." i was curled up into a ball underneath my comforter, clays voice coming from behind me.

i sighed.

quickly, i wiped my eyes and turned around to face him. "hi."

my voice was small and broken, and i bet my eyes were probably puffy too.

i feel so dramatic, and pathetic for feeling this way. i haven't gone this long without seeing him before and i don't even know when i'll next see him.

"i'm worried about you. we all are." he gave me an apologetic smile, his eyes full of concern and sympathy. "c'mere."

clay opened his arms out and i got up, and walked into his torso.

he was shorter than ranboo by like 7 inches, but still much taller than me.

"it's gonna be okay, kid."dreams  voice was soft, kind.

i squeezed my eyes shut tightly, fighting back tears.

you know when you're trying so hard not the cry that the lump in your throat starts to burn? it starts to scorch the back of your throat as you try so desperately not to give in. let the pain take over.

i breathed shakily as we both pulled out of the hug.

don't say it don't say it don't sa-

"are you okay?" he said it.

everybody knows that when you have that lump in your throat and you feel the tears threatening your eyes, you know that if you try to speak , you'll break. snap. crumble.

and it's even worse when they ask 'are you okay.'

i opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

i cupped one of my hands over my mouth and shook my head, the tears began falling and i began falling apart.

he softened again and pulled me in for another hug, caressing my back as i shook violently with broken and choked sobs escaping me.

flashback over.

i swallowed that same lump before it could form in my throat, let out a slow breath before walking down the staircase.

i peeked my head around the front room door. no reaction when they saw me. no 'happy birthday'