I find myself waking up....in the afternoon? Wait what? Last thing I recall was it was very late last.... OH! It hits me, last night.... the nightmare, I had a nightmare.... I Dreamed that Jamie came to hurt Joe, to get to ME. I thought the screaming had gone away; I was WRONG. But Joe.... Joe as always was there, to comfort me.... make me feel better, never once complaining. I must admit, it's nice...VERY NICE. Something I've never experienced. Joe made me feel safe....and soothed my fears, but I wanted sleep. I haven't truly slept in so long, being in a coma didn't count in my opinion. Joe to help me sleep suggested what would seem to be simple but was SO much more, cookies and milk.
The cookies were cinnamon, and I ate until I was full before I suddenly felt ridiculously sleepy, and Joe carried me to bed.... damn, those cookies really WERE magical. My brain kicks in some more when I glance at the side table and realize.... there are purple flowers, so fragrant, delicate and they smell divine. They soothe the spirit.... truly and too, there is a note it seems from, Joe...I pick it up and start reading:
Dear Tommy,
I am so glad it seems you finally got some sleep and I hope you were free from the nightmares that have so plagued you.... if you are wondering, you've been out now...about 12 hours. You needed the sleep. Anyway, I have laid out in your room some towels and washcloths, freshly washed and dried, because although I imagine you are hungry, you'd probably want a shower first. Also, I left another surprise for you as well...to be used when you are ready for it.
Love,
Joe Elliot
Wow, he's so sweet! Thoughtful, considerate.... that gives me pause. He's genuine.... he makes me feel things, that I don't believe I have ever felt before...but I am not quite ready to admit to myself what they mean, though I know the answer perfectly well deep down.
I see the towels and washcloths Joe laid out....and a camera. A polaroid. With lots of film? And another note:
Tommy,
A new camera for whenever you are ready to explore. To see new sights....and most importantly make new and precious memories.
Love,
Joe
He wasn't kidding when he said he'd spoil me, and suddenly I feel a rush of warmth and my heart beats...fluttery. I gather the towels and the washcloths and head for my bathroom, my bathroom...and a hot shower, yet more things that have so long been denied me. Jamie never let me have such liberties, i could only bathe for appearances....and Jamie always, always had to bathe with me, never was I allowed to bath alone. I push that though to the side and enter the bathroom, spacious...inviting and I pause in front of the mirror as I take my clothes off and observe my still too thin frame, but I look.... happier, and I have gained a wee bit of weight, so that's something.
I get the shower started and once under the soothing hot spray.... i cry, I cry at what is a seemingly basic thing...because to me, its not. It's huge....no one forcing me to have sex in the shower, no one watching me.... i have privacy, and peace. I bathe and its bliss...for lack of a better word. After my shower, I dry my hair....and wrapped in a towel, head to my room and change clothes and then decide to head down to the kitchen, and as I trek my way downstairs.... i hear noises from the kitchen and the most delicious smells, making me drool. I assume my footfalls and deep appreciative sniff have alerted Joe, who turns from the stove with a smile. His eyes warm.
"You look well rested.... i take it you took a shower?"
"Yes, I did, It felt.... like heaven. I'm not used to being allowed to bathe by myself without being hurt or watched or forced to..." I trail off as if I am revealing too much.
"He forced you to have sex in the shower?" Joe finishes the thought for me, frowning as I sit down at the kitchen table.
"Yes, among other things.... I'd always thought sex was supposed to be like that, pain....and I'd heard shower sex was supposed to be hot and sexy. but it was anything but that." I state quietly having dropped my gaze. "You must be tired of hearing about things to do with that bastard."
"On the contrary Tommy, I am glad that you are opening up to me. Part of you must be glad to be able to express your thoughts, without being punished and being able to say what you want." My jaw drops at his words.
"Yes...I am, you don't know how very much it means to me Joe. Thank you for always listening." I tell him sincerely, again feeling that fluttering sensation in my chest.
"Of course, Tom, any time....and what you experienced. "Joe starts slowly, "Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and shower sex is supposed to be steamy, but its not just that...it's both partners taking care of one another too, at least I think so." He's right.... very right.
"What are you fixing? Smells so good!" My stomach growls.
"Chicken Korma, basmati rice, Naan bread and raita. Hope you like it." I note the slight blush that graces Joe's cheeks, magnifying those electric blue eyes.
"I know I will love it! You're a wonderful cook!" I praise, finding myself smiling...smiling. Before long everything is fixed and Joe dishes me up a generous portion before serving himself and we eat. I moan at how good everything is and too we make conversation with one another. "I meant to say thank you for the camera and film. I will love using it when I'm ready." I state as I take another bite of food.
"Your very welcome Tommy, I'd do anything for you." Joe's eyes sparkle and we continue to eat the very delicious meal he made and afterwards when we're done, I help on washing dishes...I insisted. I run upstairs and grab one of my books and race back downstairs, Joe sitting in our living room, and I join him, propping my feet up and starting to read...Greek Myths. Joe seems to be writing something, lyrics maybe. There may be silence but is not a bad silence not a bad silence at all.... after a while Joe turns to me, placing down his pen...
"What do you say to watching something on the tube?"
"I say, I'd love to! Then I'd love to jam and practice for a bit." My voice soft.
"Sounds perfect to me." Joe echoes in the same tone I'd used.
What's coming.... i wish I hadn't let scare me so much, but then if it had never happened, I may never have confessed my feelings and my fate...may have ended up being worse. It was fated to happen, fate....so very much fate, the good, the bad and the love of fate......
A/N: Feelings are happening and Tommy is making tremendous progress mentally....next chapter some time will have passed, 2 months to be exact and with that the past or reminders will come back to haunt poor Tommy, but it will lead to confessing and realizing fully his feelings...for Joe.
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A Leppard's Kiss of Fate: A Def Leppard/Kiss Romance
RomanceSummary: Fate has a funny way of playing out.... What if you were in a relationship, a very abusive one with your partner and then they finally and completely abandon you, leaving you BROKEN in all ways? For that is what happens to one Tommy Thayer...
