A Leppard's Kiss of Fate: A Def Leppard/Kiss Romance

Chapter 10-So I run.... Scared & Terrified (Tommy Thayer POV)

2 months have passed since I've come to my home....my home. I still have my moments, but I've made huge progress mentally recovering. I smile more, smile...laugh. I do things like jam, help Joe cook and clean.... yet, I have not ventured outside...well outside the house that is. It hasn't felt right to me, Joe leaves...reluctantly, I know he worries that I haven't gone out and interacted with anyone but him.... but he doesn't push. He always leaves those purple flowers, their heavenly scent filling my room...which I know now as violets. They calm me when he is away, then he leaves sweet little notes and things.

I no longer flinch at touch, well from Joe...as I haven't been outside the house like I've said. And I should clarify that I do go out the garden or balcony for brief periods of time to look at the stars, bundled well against the cold. But anyway, then there's my feelings about Joe. Oh Joe Elliot, I have admit thought about him for years since I'd 'met' him, I never spoke to him wasn't allowed...but deep down there was something about him, oh I knew he was a nice guy then, but I didn't trust it.... but now things have changed. Now I've realized.... maybe it HAS been there all the while, but all my confused feelings, how I feel around him...I've fallen in love with him. He's changed my world; he saved my life.... he's done so much for me, well my friends too...but Joe, I mean its different. I want to tell him, but I am afraid.... i shouldn't be but I am, but I am overthinking, I can see it in his eyes how he feels about me, he'd wait for me I know.... but I have this bad feeling, not about him.... but Jamie. So, I am confused about how to tell Joe my feelings, because I am afraid more of Jamie somehow hurting Joe because of me....

Which brings us to now, me currently up in my room curled up in a comfy chair, covered up with a blanket with a book, the air perfumed with violets.... i hear a knock on the door, its my HEART.

"Tommy? Love, I was wondering if you wanted some hot cocoa before getting started on dinner? I brought you some, I kind of made a ton of it." I place my book to the side and smile up at him.

"I'd love some. Thank you."

Joe hands me the mug and its warm, but not scalding. I take a sip and sigh with satisfaction.

"So, for dinner, how'd you feeling about roasted garlic chicken breasts, with green beans and glazed carrots and for dessert, I would love to make your favorite cinnamon cookies." Joe's eyes sparkle.

"I'd say that sounds perfect! I'd love to help!" I say brightly, but I frown heavily quite quickly.

"Tommy? What's wrong?" Joe lays a gentle hand on mine.

"There's something I want to tell you.... but I'm afraid because somehow, I feel that...well Jamie will pop up and ruin it...I mean he hasn't been found Afterall." My voice small.

"I am sure, that everything will be ok...I'll protect you darling, you can tell me...it will be ok...tell me anyway...I..." Suddenly the phone rings and I get this sinking feeling in my gut, heart dropping. Joe goes to speak again, but its ringing is not stopping. "Bloody fucking hell." Joe mutters....as he goes to answer the phone in his room, and the expressions on his face start to range from sad, shocked to angry, VERY ANGRY, I back up a little afraid......and he turns to me, tears in his eyes. "Tommy..." He begins..., "I don't know how to tell you this.... but that was Scotland Yard. They believe someone matching Jamie's description was spotted a couple of cities away from here," .... everything seems to disappear as if in slow motion I drop my mug, watching it shatter...cocoa going everywhere, trembling....is this why I can tell Joe my feelings? Jamie, always fucking Jamie...I am happy, I was happy...he is ruining things, I can't...I can't stay here and put Joe thru this, keep putting the pan I love in danger....

"No...No...no...NO!!!" I pull at my hair, bursting into tears and am overwhelmed, frozen to the spot. Joe starts to approach me.... i shake my head....

"Tommy...oh tommy...I.... i Am SORRY darling.... I..." I cut him off, by turning away tears streaming down my face....

"I need to go.... I'm sorry..." I mutter and I RUN, fueled by fear and the desire that if I wasn't here, Joe would be safe...but again maybe I am not thinking properly, Joe calls after me desperately, I think I hear his footsteps behind me...but I run out the door, into the cold night and I keep running for I don't know how long....suddenly I collapse, and I realize....it's dark, it's cold...and I don't know where the hell I am or how to find my way back in the dark....what the hell have I done?!

"No...No, I'm sorry Joe...I'm sorry!! I am sorry I hurt you.... I love you...I love you." I cry, curled up into a ball, hands buried in my warm woolen sweater.... but the cold is seeping in....

Would Joe look for me? Of course, he would.... but would he find me? Find me like he did before? I don't know this area; I don't know where I am......I'm cold, terrified.... but I find myself wanting Joe, wishing he was here...that I had been braved to tell him, that I love him...and now I do not know if I'll ever get the chance.

I continue to lay on the ground....it feels like I have been here for a long time...no noises.... the lonely sound of the wind.... I try and burrow more into my sweater, my hands....my hands shake. And the tears, they still come...they wont stop, maybe I'll die here.... I'll die and hurt Joe more.... unable to live and unable to die.

"Joe.... Joe...I want you...I need you, I'm sorry I ran away from you...you'd told me once that you'd hurt Jamie for me, that you'd let him hurt you if it meant protecting me, you just want to protect me.... just want to protect me....my love." I whisper. I hear a noise.... a car maybe? I lay there fearing it's Jamie and he's come to finish me off, I manage to sit up and see headlights...someone exists the car...and the next thing I know, I am surrounded my warmth and I KNOW....

"Tommy.... Tommy, I've found you love.... I've found you." Joe whispers tearfully, taking me in his arms, wrapping me in a blanket and carrying me to his car.... where again I am surrounded by more warmth.

"Joe? How did you find me?" I shiver, but he hands me a thermos filled with hot cocoa I assume...

"I just had this feeling.... like I had the night I found you....it was fate then and its fate now.... Tommy, I know why you ran, you're scared that he'd hurt me to hurt you.... if it meant keeping you safe, I'd do in a heartbeat.... I'd die for you. If I put my life in danger, I'd do it for you.... I'd do anything for you, I know you left because you didn't want to hurt me...and did you have something to tell me?" Joe's gaze though tear filled is steady and loving...I need that...so bad.

"I-I need to tell you.... Joe...how I feel...have been feeling.... you deserve to know.... deserve to know that." I whisper, finally ready to say 'damn the consequences' and tell him I love him. Oh, screw it! "I was going to tell you, I mean before I ran...before the call, that I mean I was feeling afraid and confused on how to tell you because of Jamie...but Joseph Elliot, I love you."

"Tommy, I love you too.... you no longer must be afraid.... or confused, though I understand why.... god do I love you, I always have." He takes my hands in his to further warm me, I feel a blush rising to my face as he gets closer to me...leaning in....and I welcome it....as his breath ghosts across my lips and then finally I feel them on my own, gently...slowly, he kisses me, a loving kiss that grows more passionate and I swear I see fireworks!

I KNOW we will talk more.... but this...this right here? Is fate, it's meant to be.... i am meant to be by Joe's side...always, I see it now. His lips are so soft...he tastes, like mint and those divine smelling violets...

A/N: Unwelcome news, a flight....and fate striking once more, as Tommy is found and confessions are made....next chapter, will be Joe's thoughts and feelings on Tommy running and they will have a talk, more to come!