A Place We Once Knew

Always Bound To Lose

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Lose My Mind - Dean Lewis

I see you walking through the rain
And I see the water covering your teardrops on your face
And I know that I broke all your rules
And now you're looking at me
And I'm looking at you like a fool
But you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you
No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back
'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you
And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose?
'Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine
But I lost each time

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The next morning she sat with Elliot on the orange couch in Central Perk, as they drank their coffee before he went off to work. So far, that was the only thing she had found to complain about with him - because of the nature of his work in the emergency room, he didn't maintain the usual 9-5 weekday hours. But she loved how passionate he was about it, so she sacrificed her Saturday morning sleep-in routine for him today. But it was fine, because once he left she'd get in a good run in the park and then maybe see what the girls were up to - maybe they'd want to do some shopping. She was in need of a girl's day. She felt like she hardly saw them anymore.

"Alright, I have to go now. I'll miss you." He nuzzled his nose against hers.

"Mmm. I'll miss you too. Have a good day at work." He kissed her lips quickly, like a married couple does for the zillionth time, like it was routine, like this was her life now. "I love you" he said, as he finished the last bit of his coffee.

"I love you, too", she smiled.

She admired him as he walked out the door. She did love him. She loved everything about him. She loved being with him - she loved spending time with him and she missed him when he left. She found so much in him... so much more than she could have ever hoped for - she found happiness in his smile, love in his heart, desire in his body... and she found forever in his eyes. When she looked at her life ten years from now, this was a man she could see building a life with.

Suddenly thoughts were interrupted by that same feeling that creeped in last night any time the word 'forever' was tossed around in her mind. She made the conscious decision to ignore it. It was freeing in a way, knowing that she had the choice to be with Elliot... she had the choice to love him. And she wanted to. She really did want to be with him. There wasn't jealousy or history or games with him. It was easy and it worked. It was refreshing.

But that voice in the back of her mind reminded her... it wasn't maddening. He didn't set her heart on fire. He set her body on fire, he set her mind on fire - but not her heart. She couldn't put her finger on it - but something was stopping her from falling completely into that 'can't eat, can't sleep' type of love. The type of love that knocks you off your feet and splits you in half in the best way.

It was still early - they would get there. Or maybe that was just a love reserved for young first-time lovers. What they had was mature, stable... something that could last.

She finished her coffee and stood up to head for the door. She wasn't used to sitting in the coffee house alone and she didn't like it. Granted, she wasn't used to being awake this early on a Saturday, and she didn't like that either. She opened the door and stepped out on the street to go upstairs to change into her running clothes. As she walked the short distance to the door of her apartment that she had walked thousands of times, she allowed herself to go through the motions subconsciously.

She opened the door and was surprised to see Ross sitting at the kitchen table. His hair was messy and his 5 o'clock shadow had grown apparent on his face. His deep eyes were further sunken in from an obvious lack of sleep. He was fidgeting with his hands, staring blankly. He seemed so deep in thought that she wondered if he even noticed her.