A Place We Once Knew

I Can't Say No To You

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Don't Give Me Those Eyes - James Blunt

I love you, but I hate it
And we can't tell anyone
Take this love and break it
I don't think I can take it
Go back to him and fake it
Don't tell him what you've done
But, when we're caught in this feeling
And I taste your love, and I taste your love
Whatever the meaning
Well, it's not enough, no, it's not enough
I want to believe in a thing called love
Caught in this feeling
Don't give me those eyes
'Cause you know me and I can't say no to you
We can't have each other, even if we wanted to
In another life, darling, I'll do anything to be with you
Don't give me those eyes

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She absentmindedly sat at her desk, desperate to focus on her work, but found little success.

She could still feel every second of that moment in Ross's apartment from the night before. She could feel his eyes burning into hers... the electricity in her veins the moment their lips met... his hands on her face...their bodies pressed together. It was all she could think about any time she closed her eyes - hell, any time she blinked, she saw him.

She didn't know what came over her. It was so unlike her to do something like that - to kiss him without being provoked... without an invitation.

Except there was an invitation. Finally hearing him say everything she ever wanted him to say but never thought he would - words she only ever heard in her dreams...

...the thought of losing you was so hard to swallow that I forced myself to put it out of my mind because that was the only way I could survive in a world without you, Rachel.

God, why did he have to go and say those words? It was everything she had hoped for but at the worst possible time.

...but if you believe for just one second that you aren't the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep...If you don't know that you make me the goddamn happiest man alive just by walking into a room... If you think that I don't hate myself every day that he did what I couldn't do...then you really don't know me at all."

It was something she simply couldn't explain. She couldn't help herself. What she felt for him was... maddening. It consumed her thoughts no matter how much she fought it. Finally hearing him say those words... hearing him be honest and vulnerable... hearing him say what he felt - not what he thought she wanted to hear, or what felt safe or right at the time... hearing him say the words neither of them had ever been able to say the whole time they had ever been Ross and Rachel. She lost all control, because that's just what he did to her. Every ounce of logic went out the window and every feeling she ever had for him overran her mind.

Now what?

Elliot was such a good man. He was logical. He was stable. He made sense. He was a man she could see a life with - a life in the suburbs with the house and the fence and two kids and a dog. She saw winters by the fireplace and summers on family vacations at Disney World. She saw the fast and furious lovemaking sessions on top of the washing machine with the door closed before the timer in the kitchen went off because the chicken nuggets were ready. She saw it all with him. He was so, so good to her.

But Ross...

She weighed in her mind the good and the bad and was hammered with a dozen reasons why it shouldn't be him. The history - the fights - the egos - the jealousy - the unspoken words - the hot and cold roller coaster of emotions he had taken her on for so long now.