A Place We Once Knew

In My Heart You Have Remained

o0o0o0o0o

Lost - Michael Buble

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
'Til the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the world's crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost

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As soon as he opened the door to apartment 20, he could tell that something was different. Monica and Phoebe sat at the kitchen table with Joey and Chandler, the four of them deep in quiet conversation, but when they saw him, they stopped.

"Hey", Monica said.

"Hey, what's going on? Did somebody die?" He felt oddly out of the loop, and due to Rachel's apparent absence, he had a pretty striking feeling that it had to do with her.

"Um, Rachel and Elliot broke up last night" Phoebe answered.

Her words were a shock to his system. His mind started spinning in a million directions. His heart was beating out of his chest as he attempted to process what his friend just said. In one breath, he wanted to jump and scream for joy, and in another, he was worried to death that she got hurt, or even worse... that he caused it. God, he hoped she was okay.

"Oh my God. What happened?"

Monica chimed in, "She said they had some differences that they couldn't work past. She's taking it pretty hard. I think she was up most of the night, so she's still sleeping now."

"It's so crazy. They seemed really happy. I thought they were really something together. It must have been something pretty big to bring them apart" Joey said, shaking his head, and taking a bite of his bagel.

Yeah, something pretty big. Him.

It seemed by the tone of the conversation that they didn't know about what happened between him and Rachel the other night, and he was relieved. While he trusted his friends and knew he could confide in them about anything, he felt like this wasn't something that needed to be out in the open. Whatever was going on between him and Rachel was too fragile to be influenced by outside opinions and pressure. They had to figure this out on their own - especially now.

"We should probably act normal and not bring it up - you know, try to get her mind off of it. I don't think she's going to want to talk about it", Phoebe said, as everyone nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, her bedroom door opened and Rachel appeared in the doorway. She was still in her pajama pants and sweatshirt that she loved to sleep in. Her hair was in a messy pile on top of her head. He could see that she hadn't slept much because her eyes were red and a little puffy. But he knew one thing - she had never looked more beautiful. The woman in front of him, so sad and broken, was the same woman that had the unmatched ability to put a never-ending smile on his face, to take his world by storm, and bring him completely to his knees. He could see the sadness in her eyes and he was filled with an unmistakable urge to protect her. He wanted to run across the room and hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay - that if it were up to him, he would never let her hurt again.

But he didn't. Not here, not like this.

"Hey Rach" Monica called out, breaking the silence.

"Hey", she answered, as she walked into the kitchen and began pouring a cup of coffee. Everyone watched her without saying a word. They were trying so hard to not make it uncomfortable, that in turn, that was the exact situation they had created.

As she put the coffee pot back in its place, she looked up at him for the first time that morning. Their eyes locked on each other and he was rendered completely helpless, torn in half by a love that was deafening. He wanted to touch her. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he hoped that his own eyes could tell her how much he cared - that he would be whatever she needed him to be for her in that moment. He'd do anything it took to show her that. He knew it would take time - that nothing was going to happen right now, and he was okay with that. He knew she was worth everything he had been waiting for.

After what felt like an eternity, she broke their gaze.

"Guys, it's okay. You don't have to be like this. I'm going to be okay." Judging by the fact that no one had really said anything in about two minutes, she could obviously tell that they didn't know how to react.

"We're here for you, Rach", Chandler said, reaching for her arm. The girls got up from the table and encircled her in a hug. "Oh, what the hell!" Joey added, as he and Chandler decided to join the circle.

Ross moved towards them from behind the counter and wrapped his arms around his friends. He wanted Rachel to know that he was there - in any way that she needed. If she needed a friend right now, he'd be that. He found her arm and gave it a light squeeze, hoping that she would feel it, and know that even though five pairs of arms were around her, he would always be there.

"Thanks guys."

They all pulled away, but he lingered close. She quickly caught his eye again as she smiled at him - it was the first time he had seen her smile this morning. He could tell in an instant that she felt it. His heart was overflowing at the possibility that this could finally be it for them. She leaned into his side, giving him another hug. Warmth spread through his entire body as he felt her melt into him. He had known happiness in his life, but nothing came close to the way that Rachel made him feel. He instinctively leaned in and kissed her on the head.

He knew how it felt to lose her and he couldn't fathom that again. The only goodbye he could ever bear to give her again could only be closing his eyes each night to dream of her. He didn't want to spend one more night falling asleep without holding her in his arms. He didn't want to be the tragedy of two hearts afraid to love. But he didn't want to rush it either, and he knew he had to be careful - they had a long road ahead of them. But in that moment, it just felt right. And he hoped she understood.

She looked up at him, her blue eyes sparkling, and whispered into his ear, "Can we talk later?"