Erebor's Guardian

Chapter 23

Thorin, Gandalf and Beorn discussed our next move while Jenna, Kylie and I took baths and washed our clothes. Thankfully, Beron had some spare white cloth which I was able to make bralettes and skirts out of while I repaired our armor. The day would be spent resting and planning our next move.

We sat relaxed under one of the large oak trees soaking up the small amount of sun rays that filtered through the deep green leaves. Kylie was busy braiding her courtship braids into Kili's hair as his head laid lazily in her lap. Kili looked like he would have been purring with her undivided attention and soft handwork. Kylie's face flushed with the thrill of tending to the prince making her mark for all to see. Between her pursed lips a quick flash of the tip of her tongue would poke through in her concentration. My lips pulled upward in a small smile at the sight of her childishness. Occasionally, she would flip her long dark brown hair from her shoulder as her courtship braids hung tight against her scalp.

Meanwhile, laid on both their stomachs Fili and Jenna linked hands in a match of arm wrestling. Fili propped his head with his left hand, head tilted, and benevolent eyes locked on her. She had her ankles crossed up against her plump buttocks in a way to 'ground herself for better leverage' she had explained earlier. Her honey brown hair flowed freely down her back and spilled over her hips. I hadn't noticed how much her hair had grown as did mine. Her small hand flushed with color around her knuckles as she gripped the prince's bare hand. With all her might and her second hand she could not get Fili's arm to budge. His braided mustache and beads swayed back and forth as he choked back a laugh. We looked like three sirens and two victims basking on the shore.

It felt odd to see the company out of armor and in regular tunics and cloth pants. Most had even removed their boots letting their feet rest. This deep gut feeling and longing rose up in my stomach seeing them treat this place like home. Unafraid, innocent and pure. I wanted to be a part of that. To feel that home feeling, but instead regret and guilt coated my tongue. I wanted to turn back to send them back to the Blue Mountains and forget this journey for the sake of their innocence and happiness. But their hearts would never walk away and it just added that much more for my soul to bare. To protect them all and keep them from any kind of harm. It was my job, my duty and my choice to guard them.

My toes gripped the long blades of grass as I curled them tight against my thoughts. The sun shifted away from me and the wind licked my bare skin with the cold. For the first time since my return I felt alone.

"I'm going to go for a walk." I said, keeping my voice even and undetectable to the sorrow beneath it. I headed for the back of the house behind the overgrown shrubbery and weeping willow's drooping branches. Once I knew I would be out of sight I curled up against the tree trunk. I pulled my knees to my chest tight ignoring the protest of my ribs. Every time I closed my eyes flashes of my past life washed over me and more tears fell. I cried silently hidden by mother nature's children like a doe and her newborn fawn. My chest ached and burned at every ragged breath I took. In my mind I could see the golden sunlight shine through the canopy down to the blossoms below. Through the flower beds, ferns and ponds as the elven children ran and played with the chime of their laughter echoing in my mind.

I had failed them for my own selfish reasons. If I had stayed and finished my training with my mother I would have been strong enough to stop the worm usurper. Instead I abandoned my training because I wanted to be free and live under the mountain doing what I pleased. I knew in my heart Smaug would have hit my home first leaving nothing but ash.

"Oh, Lakota." A deep husky voice pulled me from my memories. With tears streaking down my face and trembling lip I looked up to the owner of the rugged voice. Thorin settled down next to me and pulled me into his lap. I buried my face into his chest clinging to the royal blue tunic covering him and unleashed the hell I had been holding back. He rubbed small circles on my back reminding me to breathe as he sang to me in Khuzdul.