Double Crossed

Derek's Frilly Flower Dresses

Ryan continues to stare at me, the same deeper emotion in his eyes that I've been unable to identify. But this time, it's different. It's stronger, clearer than before. He's stopped repressing it and has accepted the emotions.

My heart starts to beat faster and the wheels in my head start to turn. The emotion I've seen in Ryan's eyes, I've seen it before. In my own eyes. When I'm looking in the mirror, thinking of the times I've spent with Ryan, fighting, hiding, and just surviving. Even when I scold myself for doing so, I find that I keep doing it anyway.

Ryan Volant has feelings for me, just like I have feelings for him. My mind is racing a mile a minute at the consequences and at the possibilities, the speed of my heart matching that of my thoughts. With all the what ifs running through my mind ranging from the dangers of the job to the regular issues that are going to come with this, I don't notice Ryan get up from the couch and walk over to me.

I look up at him and jump in surprise, not expecting him to be so close. "Shh," he says, his kind eyes boring into mine. Ryan puts his finger under my chin and gently lifts it back up to his eyes when I try to look away. "Stop worrying," he whispers gently. His face starts lowering towards mine and my breathing becomes shallow. But I don't find myself pulling away, instead I'm leaning closer, I want this just as much as he does. Just as our eyes slide closed, his lips meet mine. Instantly I'm kissing him back and a tingling feeling shoots through my lips and runs down to my stomach, creating butterflies.

The kiss doesn't last long, it's short and sweet but full of passion. Before I know it we're pulling apart and I'm wishing it would have lasted longer. "Just treasure the moment," he says, wrapping his arms around my waist.

In that moment, I don't analyze it, I don't try to know what's going on, I just act on my instincts, and right now the only thing I want is to be closer to him. To feel his strength and confidence. To feel safe again. So I wrap my arms around his neck, and press my lips to his again, immediately he pulls me closer to him, his arms firmly wrapped around my waist. The soft, gentle feeling of his lips and minty breath meets my senses again and I can't help the smile that breaks out onto my face. The euphoric tingling feeling returns and for a second, I forget about the stress and the pain.

There's just us.

I'm not sure how much time passes, but the next thing I know my lungs are asking for oxygen. I break the kiss first, the need for oxygen too strong. Ryan looks into my eyes smiles. It's not cocky, it's not mysterious, he's just happy. He seems just as elated as I am. I also notice that he's not as blocked off, Ryan's no longer struggling or fighting with himself, he's accepted the fight, and now he's got his reward. And I must say it was good for both of us.

We're both silent, just looking at each other, neither knowing what to say. Then Ryan pulls me close to him again, this time wrapping me in a brief hug before taking my hand. The both of us, hand in hand, walk towards the rooms we will be staying in for tonight. Reaching my door, I turn back to look at him, "Good night, Ryan."

"Good night, Erin," he says, but instead of leaving like I expected him too, he waits. I smile with what I hope is a sweet smile at him and enter the room, closing the door behind me. Finally, I'm able to catch my breath. Leaning against the door, I calm down and relax my mind.

In my efforts I hear Ryan let out a breath of relief, saying, "Finally," under his breath just before his soft footfalls start to walk away. Slowly getting quieter until the sound of a closing door meets my ears.

It's only then do I get off the door. Jacky and Bonny have already fallen asleep, Jacky on the bed and Bonny in a sleeping bag on the carpet. As quietly as I can, I crawl into the sleeping bag they have already set up for me and with an irremovable smile on my face and the tingling feeling still running through my body, I'm out like a light.